Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large. 

Parenting is hard

It is the start of the Spring 2024 semester on campus. Nice to see a bustling campus once more, though the only downside is the bathrooms will certainly be dirtier. The flu and cold virus is also going around, so we've got to protect ourselves the best we can. Wash or sanitize your hands often, and try not to touch your face. Even post COVID pandemic, people can’t seem to stay home when they are sick. Supposedly, the area around the eyes are potently vulnerable entry points for viruses.

Was there a chance the Spring semester was going to be delayed? The CFA - the union representing faculty and librarians - were on strike just last week. But on that Tuesday, the two sides came to a tentative agreement. CFA basically got the same deal as we, the employees union - got: five percent raises last fiscal and this fiscal year. Equality is great, isn't it? (The CFA was asking for more.)

Also included in the new contract is an increase of paid parental leave from the current six weeks to 10 weeks. As a housemate to two new parents with five months-old twin boys, I must say parents deserve all the time off they can get from their employers. Parenting is truly another job onto itself. It's not like folks on parental leave are at home playing videos games. In fact, some are happy to return to work, partly to escape the baby responsibilities for just a few precious hours. (Who knew that eating an entire lunch undisturbed can be so precious?)

Anything to encourage and incentivize people to have babies should be pursued. The education industry - the one I am employed by - is predicated on having an endless supply of replacement pupils, year after year. If the population is having fewer babies, then that supply will naturally dwindle. And with it the future stability of this job. So in a totally self-servicing way: good for the CFA in getting an increase in parental leave!

The marshmallow test.

For the kids

The group of people I feel most sorry for during this COVID pandemic - outside of those directly affected with the horrible disease - is the children. To have this period of tremendous growth and learning so utterly upended by the lockdowns is going to affect the kids negatively for a very long time to come. Especially the younger ones: their naiveté may shield them from any rational fears and worries, but I think the damage done is subconscious. Not being able to see their friends or have any other social interaction beyond their own parents, for going on seven months now, cannot not possibly be good for their growing psyche.

It sucks for the older kids as well. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have the fun parts high school - proms and various gatherings - be taken away. The current juniors and seniors will never get those experiences back. The answer to the question “How was your senior prom?” will always be a resigning sadness, followed by an explanation of how there wasn’t a prom that year because of COVID. Missed weddings for adults can always be done at a later date. High school prom? That’s a once in a lifetime thing you simply don’t get to do again.

I really feel sorry for the kids.

A coworker of mine brings his daughter in to work whenever he has to physically come to campus. The kid is only four years old, so she has zero idea as to the rhythm and reason of the current predicament. Having to attend class remotely is just another new adventure in her brief life thus far. Her daily cheeriness every time I see them is something of a bright spot. Ignorance can indeed be bliss in this situation, but sometimes I can’t help but agonize at the subliminal hurt that all of this craziness is causing the kid, ramifications that I don’t think we yet know will occur down the road.

As much as I try to humor the daughter and indulge in chat with her, deep down I know what’s most important for her is to return back to the pre-COVID normal. To be able to once gain see and hangout with peers her age, and do fun stuff on the weekends.

Volvo wagons are cool. Exhibit A.

#Adulting stops the fun

This particular tweet hits right in the feels.

Surely we've all done this during our youth: when we grow up we're going to do all sorts of things that by being kids we're restricted from doing. But as the tweet points out, once we've  become adults we actually end up not doing those things. For example, fried chicken is my favorite food, and when I was little an intention of mine was when I grew up (and have money) I'd walk into a KFC, buy a bucket of chicken, and eat it entirely by myself. 

I'm 30 this year and I've yet to do that. 

What is it about being an adult that, let's face it, stops the fun? Why don't I play video games all day now that I can now afford all the games and have more time to spare (having to do homework really put a damper on things back then)? Why not eat junk food whenever I feel like? What about staying up late until the wee hours of the morning? 

I think as adults our event horizon widens exponentially beyond the present (dull things like saving for retirement): I don't spend a day playing video games because it's a waste of time and unproductive (we can't all be those millionaire Twitch streamers). I pass on the junk food marathon because it'd be much nicer to not have diabetes and heart disease. Burn the midnight oil just for fun? We adults know that sleep is the absolute best thing in the world.  

It was indeed true wisdom back when our parents prevent us from executing our fantastical inclinations. In their adult mind they know it to be not good for us. My father never ate a bucket of fried chicken by himself either. 

But perhaps it'd be good for us current adults to bring back some of that child-like innocence and narrow focus. Adult life can easily entrap us into always thinking and planning for the future, sacrificing the present (not to say this is bad). Why not periodically think like a child would and say eat ice cream whenever the urge comes to mind? That sliver of joy and escape might do well for our constitution; freshen up our internal batteries for the daily grind. 

As an adult, self restriction comes naturally: if 15 year old me made the same money as I do now, it would be completely squandered as soon as the paycheck hits the account (or worse - max out the credit cards). At 30 I'd never entertain the thought. But as with anything, those restrictions can go overboard: it's important to find the balance between living in the now and preparing for a future. A big component to adults getting burned out is when our minds are too frequently into the what-ifs of tomorrow. 

So sometimes think like we once did: as a kid. Go overboard! Indulge in those tendencies and wants. Be present.   

I'm going to play some videos games for a lot of hours.