Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

Can't be trusted

It occurred to me why people run to catch the bus or train. Because they understand that if they miss this particular one, when the next one will arrive is an absolute crapshoot. Sure, the schedule says one train every 10 minutes during rush hour, but we all know that’s not reliable at all. I too would risk traffic impalement to run across an intersection, chasing after the bus.

This isn’t Japan, where trains arrive every five minutes during commute times. And you can be damn sure it’s going to be on time. If there are any delays, the train conductor apologies profusely over the PA system. It’s very sad when you see proper standards of what is possible, and then you return to your own country and see that it can’t be had. My advice: don’t visit Japan or other modern Asian countries.

I read on the Reddits that a majority of San Francisco’s school children gets driven to campus. The article points out it would be better for congestion and the environment if more kids take public transport or bike. No shit, but has the author done either of those things back in his schooling days? I’ve taken the bus to school, and I wouldn’t want that for my (hypothetical) kid if I can help it. The amount of crazy and violence I’ve seen (and been done to) on city buses is enough to give PTSD.

Biking might be worse. Anyone that’s driven in San Francisco since the pandemic would agree the driving quality has utterly deteriorated. A tiny kid on a bicycle is a huge gamble against the laws of physics.

I get it: parents want as much control as possible. If you can eliminate any doubt that your child will get to school safely, you do it. Zoom zoom.

For a rainy day

In a pleasant surprise, my health insurance premiums - subsidized by my employer - will not be going up in 2025! I was fully expecting it to, because one, inflation is causing everything to be more expensive these days. And two, Kaiser Permanente had to pay its workers more after their strike last year. Did you think a corporation is going to eat into its profit margins? You’re hilarious.

Just as well, then. Whatever difference I thought I’d had to pay more in the coming year will go right into the savings account.

Towards what end? I’m not sure. I am seeing a lot of people my age (mid 30s) having babies these days. Personally, I have no interest (or prospects) to be doing so myself. Not that I don’t think I wouldn’t be great at parenting. If anything, I am leaving positives on the proverbial table. Word on the street is that people who have kids tend to happier and live longer. As a person who is deathly afraid of dying, and has always strived to maximized longevity, why haven’t I made any babies already?

One things for sure: it is not too expensive to raise children. Our expectations toward what goes into child rearing have simply inflated. Baby showers, birthdays, the best diapers, humidifiers, bottle warmers, etc: I was raised with none of that stuff! My working-class parents could not afford it. And I turned out okay, if I do say so myself. Daycare? In Chinese culture, that would be the grandparents. No need to spend thousand(s) dollar per month.

Social media can make it difficult, I reckon. It’s like an arms race to show who can provide the “best” childhood for their kids. Don’t complain to us about how expensive it to raise kids when you go into debt for Disneyland. Public parks are free.

You can't take a shortcut

Blink and you’ll miss it. My housemates’ set of twins turned a year old! Cliche to say, but it does indeed seem like just a few months ago they came home from the hospital. Those tiny little humans! Also cliche to say: when it comes to kids, the days are long, but the years are short.

I think having children is the best reminder that good results simply takes consistent effort over long periods of time. There aren’t really shortcuts when it comes to raising kids. You change their diapers and feed them milk for the nth amount of time, then they start talking and walking. There’s no hack, or top 10 tips to get your babies to grow faster. There’s only the work, day after day after day.

And unlike something like exercising or going on a diet, parents can’t exactly just stop this whole taking care of a child thing. Well, the morally sound ones, anyways.

Parenting is suppose to be hard. I think if there were this hypothetical shortcut to raising kids, those that did it before the hack was invented would be seriously resentful. The same way those who have diligently paid off their students loans are loathe to see those who didn’t get theirs forgiven by the government. Or those who lost their excess weight through diet and exercise, are hateful towards those who can now simply inject Ozempic into their bellies once a week.

Paradoxical, isn’t it? People love a shortcut (get abs in two weeks videos), but people also hate those who take shortcuts (can also be known as cheating). I think it’s positive to see that ultimately, we all know that putting in the work consistently is what makes that pot of gold at the end genuinely worth its weight.

Wonder

Yesterday was the first Juneteenth holiday that we, as employees of San Francisco State University, got since it became a federal holiday a few years back. A day to commemorate the emancipation of slaves - it doesn’t get much more American than that.

So what did I do my day off? My friend has a membership to the California Academy of Sciences, in the heart of Golden Gate Park. He intends to bring his two young boys there regularly. One perk of the membership: you can bring along two adult guests for free. I’ve not been to the Academy of Sciences since its renovation, so I was eager to tag along. Besides, my friend did all the driving and parking-finding, which is a headache I’m glad to outsource.

It seems everybody with kids in the single digit of age - and had the day off - was there at Cal Academy yesterday. There were strollers everywhere, mothers in yoga pants, and dads carrying the diaper/snack bags. A pandemonium of children staring in wild-eyed wonder at the exhibits. It’s really lovely to see. That is what it’s all about, isn’t it? To excite the curiosity of kids, to introduce them to the wonders of science. My friend’s youngest son was more interested in the repairman fixing a broken elevator up on the rooftop garden. That little guy just might become a mechanical engineer.

Having young children seems to be a lot like having a dog. You take them outside to do activities - like visiting the Cal Academy - so it would tire them out. Your evening will then be way more pleasant while they are placated and satisfied in their corner. Cooped-up children - much like cooped up dogs - are no good for anyone. Go outside! Get some vitamin D.

Thanks to my friend, I got glimpse into a slice of the parenting life pie. Granted, with a selection bias towards couples that have the Juneteenth holiday off work.

Great news!

(DJ Khaled voice) Big life change alert: my housemates/landlords are having babies. That’s right, plural. They’re expecting twin boys coming due around September. We are all very excited for this next stage of life for them, though those of us living under this roof are going to rue the departure of peace and quiet. It’s going to be a rowdy few years (at least) until the babies grow into kids who can behave themselves. Earplugs for everyone! Well, not everyone: just me. My housemates actually have to wake up when the babies are crying.

As a noted lover for all things peace and quiet, I think there was some concern that I would move out of the house on this baby news. While indeed I do prefer absolute quiet, there is no way I’m abandoning this place. The only constant in life is change, and if I run away every single time it does, that costs a lot of money. Speaking of money, if I do move out, it would be difficult for my housemates to rent it out to another person. Incoming twin babies living right above you is not so attractive on an advert.

It would be unkind to remove an income stream just as they need it the most. The joke is: they’ve only budgeted for one kid! Besides, there’s no way I’m giving up living close enough to work that I can walk there.

Another big life change later this year is my dad retiring from work. At which point I would be old enough to have two retired parents. A sort of weird milestone that you really don’t think about at all until it creeps up on you. After slaving away for nearly thirty years - after immigrating to America from China - just so me and my brother can have a better life, the pending retirement is hugely deserved for my father.

Meanwhile, my housemates are just about to begin that journey. It’s going to be chaotic around here.

You'll miss it when it's gone

I go almost every Friday over to my friends’ house to see their two boys. Well, primarily for a free dinner, but it doesn’t change the fact the kids are there as well. At the tender age of six and four, the changes week by week can be rapid. One week you can kiss the eldest hello and goodbye, then the next he doesn’t want you to anymore. Because he learned at school that’s not what boys do. At least I’m not the mother who got asked to stop calling him “baby”. That must hurt!

This is why when it comes to young kids, I’ve come up with a saying: “You’ll miss it when it’s gone.” Especially the minor things you currently complain about with their behavior. Still wanting you to feed them food even though they’re six years old? You’ll miss the bonding time when they soon would rather eat by themselves, away from the dinner table. Asking you too many questions with that typically endless curiosity of kid? You’ll miss it come the teenage years, and it’s you who desperately want to communicate.

I’m not sure my friends appreciate me saying they’ll miss it when it’s gone. After all, I’m only there for about three hours out of the week. I don’t have to deal with those behavioral annoyances constantly. It’s entirely possible that if and when I have kids of my own, my tune would be different. Feed you? Feed yourself! You’re six! Carry you? You can walk just fine.

One things for sure: if I do have kids, they will get my absolute undivided attention. The time for hobbies and personal interests is over. Any kid will and should usurp all of those things. I come home from a long day at work and guess what? It’s time to play with the kids. No more piano practice. No more joys of reading.

Which is why I’m not in any hurry.

First time babysitting

I have found the secret to babysitting.

This past Friday, my friends had a wedding to attend, so I volunteered to look after their two young boys for a few hours (ages three and five). I’ve known these kids since they were born, so their familiarity with me should make for a pretty smooth evening. And indeed it was. The boys didn’t care at all that both parents will be gone for awhile. I guess they’ve past that age of separation anxiety.

The secret to babysitting young kids is to provide them with your undivided attention. You can’t be on your phone or stare at a laptop screen the whole time while they’re playing by themselves. This isn’t a time to watch Netflix. My friend’s two boys like to have someone sit right next to them while they play with toys or watch something on the iPad. I was ready to react anytime they had a comment or wanted me to look at something.

Can’t do that while I’m scrolling through twitter endless on my iPhone! I think kids innately know whether you’re paying attention to them or not. It’s not something you can fake. That “uh huh” while you’re still looking at the laptop screen rings very hollow to a kid’s ears.

And that’s the sacrifice to having kids, isn’t it? The world you had previously: the social media, the TV shows, even conversation with your friends - those things are way in the back burner now. Giving time and attention to your kids is rule number one. Everything else almost don’t matter. Don’t be that pet owner who looks at his phone the whole time while walking the dog. That’s the commitment you chose.

There will come a time when the kids get old enough (teenage years) that they can be left alone for extend periods. Until then, the best way to be with kids is actually be with them, fully.