Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large. 

Hassle free

I think what I value most these days is the lack of hassle. I just want to sit and be at peace. Now obviously there are some difficulties to achieving that, as I gesture at this thing called adult life. Too many responsibilities, not enough free time. I wake up in the morning with a list of must-dos, and I don’t feel good about it until that list is done. It’s definitely neurotic.

My BMW M2 is due for new tires, which presents a new hassle. I now have to research, order, and take the car to the tire shop. Another item added onto my list. I am a car enthusiast, but I am not enthusiastic (or no longer) about the parts of ownership that aren’t actually driving. If I could afford to pay a guy to come wash it every few weeks, I totally would do so. But because I cannot, the BMW gets a wash once a change of season.

Ever since the M2 got paid off last year, I’ve been toying with the idea of buying second car. The more I ponder about it, the more I’m leaning towards no (the wallet rejoices). The fleeting moments of enjoying what a second car would bring will not outweigh the additional hassle. I already don’t enjoy moving the M2 during street cleaning days (a San Francisco tradition), so why add to that hassle voluntarily by needing to move two cars? There’s going to be twice the car maintenance, too.

If I cannot have mental peace until things are settled and done, then the point of attack should be to limit the amount of things to be done. Pare away to only what’s important (like grocery shopping), and avoid adding stuff on the whims of fancy. I would love to buy a new set of wheels for the M2, but then I’ll have to deal with storing the original set. I’m not going to give myself that burden.

K.

Feeling my age

You know you’re old when you prefer to read on an iPad - as opposed to a printed book - because you’re able to adjust the font size larger. Some of the fiction novels I’ve bought have absolutely the tiniest font possible. (Shrinkflation?) When it becomes painful to read a book, it’s time to switch the medium. I’m just happy to live in a era where digital is a possible alternative.

This must be the beginning of retinal deterioration from old age. I should order myself a set of readers soon…

Sometimes I forget I am heading right into the meaty parts of middle-age adulthood. I just don’t feel it, you know? Which is a good thing because I rather not have my body be the notifier of my current location on the lifespan spectrum. If anything, I am trying to maintain my mobility and strength for as long as possible. Though nothing to be done about the oculars. I’ve needed glasses since I was then.

I reckon part of the reason I don’t feel like I’m a middle-age adult is because I haven’t yet done the traditionally middle-age adult things. No house, no spouse, no kids. I’m effectively living out a prolonged early adulthood. The only responsibility I’ve got is to me. All the childhood trauma and anxieties are still there stewing in the background. Because my mind isn’t completely preoccupied with raising a home.

Sometimes I would talk to people in their twenties and it would seem like I’m the less mature one. That I’m the one lacking in lived experiences in comparison. Then sometimes I really feel my age when I realize I’m older than everyone on an NFL football team. I guess laps around the sun doesn’t automatically confer confidence or worldliness. There’s got to be many action to make those sort of growth happen. Age can be just a number.

What the heck is a holiday cut?

I officially feel old

Perhaps I’ve come to this realization too late in the game. Along with many of my fellow Americans, I was watching American football over the weekend. It was during one of the games that it struck me: I am older than every single player out there on the field. It’s one of those “you know you are old when” moments, one that came shockingly because we’ve all grown up looking up towards professional athletes. For the longest time, these were people who are older, stronger, better, and richer. And now I’m just an old fart watching kids play a game.

This is it: being older than entire sport teams is my demarcation line. I now firmly feel like an adult, one hundred percent. Any remnants of childhood innocence have ceased to exist. No one mistakes me for a student at my university job. I probably won’t get carded at bars, if I were the drinking type. There isn’t enough cocaine-grade retinol to erase the age lines on my face.

At least my hair is as full and black as it ever was.

This is not to say I was immature before. As the child of first-generation immigrants, I had to be an adult way earlier than I should have been allowed to. But it’s not like crossing the magic 18 or 21 somehow bestow upon us some magical new feeling. Maybe the difference between 20 and 21 is truly just the number on the birthday cake. The changes are so gradual year-over-year that it all feels the same. There’s nothing extravagant about it: make money, then try not to spend all of it. (That’s not very American, is it?)

I think for my friends who have birthed children, there truly is a “switch” of sorts. Soon as the baby comes out of the mother, the clarity of where you stand and the job to be done must be absolutely crystal clear. The success of this thing will be entirely dependent upon you for the next two decades. Surely that will make you feel like a full-on adult very quickly!

Poor people food.

Fingers pain

It’s only day four of taking up the piano again, and all can say is: ouch. More than a decade has passed since I last consistently touched a piano, and I had forgotten just how heavy those keys are. Maybe I should’ve bought the super entry level 61-key electric piano from Costco, instead of the ultra realistic feel of a Yamaha stage keyboard. I’m sure this is doing wonders for my arthritic future; my fingers are definitely getting a workout.

I’d also forgotten how uncomfortable piano benches are. There’s no back support, obviously, and I’m practically sitting on the edge of the seat. There’s very little cushion to speak of, so I’m getting butt cramps midway through a session. Oh, and I’m suppose to always keep the proper posture: back straight, hands and shoulders relaxed. Easier said than done, of course, after slouching my way through life. I’d surely get beaten by the stick if I were taking lessons from a real piano teacher.

Instead, I am taking lessons from an app, and I am starting right at the beginning. Even though I’ve taken a solid year of piano back in high school, it’s been so long since that it would be good review to start completely over. I vow to learn reading music notes properly this time, and it’s nicer to my mangled adult fingers to start slow and simple.

The Piano Marvel app keeps track of consecutive days I’ve practiced, so it’s also a motivation factor to keep the streak going. It’s early days yet, but I don’t think I’ll be slacking off anytime soon. Unlike the forced learning at school for children, the piano is something I chose to pursue as an adult. There’s an element of joy that keeps me going rather easily. I feel productive as well: learning an instrument sure beats wasting that same hour everyday on YouTube.

Torture device.

A man and his castle

When I was in my twenties, I was completely into the urban city life. Having grown up in one, I love the density, the hustle and bustle, and how accessible everything is. Living in secluded suburbia was just about the dullest thing imaginable; there would only be the house, and nothing else. Give me the city, and the all of the lights.

Presently in my thirties, and properly “adulting”, my perspective on that has been changing. These days, peace and quiet is what I’m after, and ultimately a castle to call my own. I don’t want to hear the busy sidewalks and too many cars driving by; I don’t want to fight with the crowds and wade the troubles parking; I don’t want to pay the high tax for living in one of the most expensive cities on the planet.

I want open spaces, and dead silence.

I want the proverbial cottage at the countryside.

Too crazy of a dream? Perhaps. The immediate and biggest concern is what the heck am I to do for money. I refuse to be amongst the masses who live far away from the urban core, yet still commute for hours every day back into the city for work. That’s a significant amount of precious time to be squandered on the road, even in these modern times of endless podcasts and super intelligent cruise-control.

But those people do the commute slog for a reason: the city has almost all the jobs. It wouldn’t be so prosperous and constantly full of new developments otherwise. No doubt they’d all rather work much closer to home, but deep in the heart of suburbia or rural counties, there are no high paying jobs.

For me, the solution to that problem is the Internet, in the way of digital freelancing, or join a company that will allow work from home. With the cost of living ‘out in the sticks’ immensely less than metropolises, I wouldn’t even need to be earning as much as I do now for it to be sustainable. Besides, aside from cars (admittedly a big one), I’m not in the least materialistic about anything; I don’t need a huge salary to be absolutely content.

It’s definitely something to ponder about. I certainly cannot afford a house in or anywhere near San Francisco, so if I really want a place for myself – can’t live with the parents forever, no matter how Asian I am – I think I’ll have to get out from this city.

Exit stage center.

#Adulting stops the fun

This particular tweet hits right in the feels.

Surely we've all done this during our youth: when we grow up we're going to do all sorts of things that by being kids we're restricted from doing. But as the tweet points out, once we've  become adults we actually end up not doing those things. For example, fried chicken is my favorite food, and when I was little an intention of mine was when I grew up (and have money) I'd walk into a KFC, buy a bucket of chicken, and eat it entirely by myself. 

I'm 30 this year and I've yet to do that. 

What is it about being an adult that, let's face it, stops the fun? Why don't I play video games all day now that I can now afford all the games and have more time to spare (having to do homework really put a damper on things back then)? Why not eat junk food whenever I feel like? What about staying up late until the wee hours of the morning? 

I think as adults our event horizon widens exponentially beyond the present (dull things like saving for retirement): I don't spend a day playing video games because it's a waste of time and unproductive (we can't all be those millionaire Twitch streamers). I pass on the junk food marathon because it'd be much nicer to not have diabetes and heart disease. Burn the midnight oil just for fun? We adults know that sleep is the absolute best thing in the world.  

It was indeed true wisdom back when our parents prevent us from executing our fantastical inclinations. In their adult mind they know it to be not good for us. My father never ate a bucket of fried chicken by himself either. 

But perhaps it'd be good for us current adults to bring back some of that child-like innocence and narrow focus. Adult life can easily entrap us into always thinking and planning for the future, sacrificing the present (not to say this is bad). Why not periodically think like a child would and say eat ice cream whenever the urge comes to mind? That sliver of joy and escape might do well for our constitution; freshen up our internal batteries for the daily grind. 

As an adult, self restriction comes naturally: if 15 year old me made the same money as I do now, it would be completely squandered as soon as the paycheck hits the account (or worse - max out the credit cards). At 30 I'd never entertain the thought. But as with anything, those restrictions can go overboard: it's important to find the balance between living in the now and preparing for a future. A big component to adults getting burned out is when our minds are too frequently into the what-ifs of tomorrow. 

So sometimes think like we once did: as a kid. Go overboard! Indulge in those tendencies and wants. Be present.   

I'm going to play some videos games for a lot of hours.