Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

Don't kill my vibe

Ever since I deactivated my twitter account, these days I’m largely cut off from the latest news. This is of course a very good thing. The news is nothing but tragedy and sadness. There’s never any good news, is there? The only reason even I knew about the missing Titanic submersible from last week was my friends told me about it.

That sort of news is at least interesting and fascinating, worthy of a lengthy discussion that stretches multiple days (I guess our friend group doesn't have better things to do). What I can’t give a crap about is the daily political stuff that my coworker prefers to talk about. I literally don’t care what Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is doing or not doing. I live in San Francisco, California; I’m more interested in what our own mayor is doing.

But I have to maintain some modicum of politeness, right? I can’t exactly shut them down immediately soon as a coworker comes to me with a latest news topic. Do that often enough and none of them will talk to me again ever. Or perhaps that’s really what I want: to be left alone. (Which I do.) To be congenial with the officemates, however, I would listen half intently, then say something glib in response. The goal is to listen, then say things in a way that ends that particular conversation topic quickly.

Please don’t ruin my zen, people. I’m quite okay with not knowing what’s going in the larger outside world. I’ll simply watch the local 6 o'clock news to get my fix of what’s immediately pertinent.

Hello, boredom

How is the no-twitter experience going for me? The complete lack of any social media! One word: boredom. Boredom is back in my life with a vengeance, and I have to say, it’s alright. Instead of watching the twitter feed scroll by on a separate monitor at work, I just zone out. Sure there was an initial itch to take out the phone, only to realize there aren’t any social media apps on there either. I either sit with the boredom, or go chat with my coworkers.

Boredom it is!

Twitter was how I got the news in the morning. The problem was: after I’ve read up on the latest news, the scrolling afterwards can be endless. Since deactivating my account, I’ve been relying on actual website. The good thing about those is the amount of new content is finite. I’d look at ESPN for the scores, and that’s it. No more scrolling. It’s really liberating.

What I do instead is simply lie on the couch and listen to music. Remember when we use to do that exclusively? Music wasn’t just background accompaniment. Back in the days of cassette and compact discs, we’d put on an album and listen to in attentively all the way through. No social media to distract, no smartphone to scroll through. I’ve reclaimed some of that experience, and it’s quite nice and relaxing.

It is said that the smartphone killed boredom. We’re so stuck to our phones now that I don’t think we know how to handle boredom. The horror of having to stew in our own thoughts for even one second. The itch to bring out the phones whenever we encounter boredom is immense. Would you be able to stand in a grocery store line just standing, waiting? You’d probably be the odd-looking one out. There’s something wrong with you, who is not face deep into your smartphone.

Don't want to go, unwilling to stay

Twitter is now owned by Elon Musk. What I am most sympathetic for is the roughly 50 percent of the workers who got fired the first week. It doesn’t bode well for the already suffering San Francisco downtown in terms of people traffic during the work week. Or perhaps a large cohort of those who were let go were working from home. Elon famously rejects remote work for his companies. He’s already demanded that any able body twitter employee must come to the office.

But what does Elon Musk taking over twitter mean for users like me? Well, nothing really. I’m as addicted to the app as everybody on there are. I cannot start my morning without a 10 minute peruse (more on the weekends!) of the bird app. Throughout the day, TweetDeck is present on the browser at all times. It’s like a slow IV drip that I cannot tear the needle out of my skin.

I mean, we were all hooked onto twitter during last Tuesday’s mid-term elections, weren’t we? The app has tremendous value during critical, news-making moments.

So despite talks of Elon going to ruin twitter - the roll out of verification for the masses have been predictably disastrous - I am staying until the bitter end. Elon may indeed take twitter down, but I am going down with that ship. There’s also an optimistic side: perhaps Elon can indeed make twitter better for all users. Obviously I don’t think we’ve seen any indication that would be the likely outcome, but it’s still very early days. Let’s see what twitter is like a few months out.

I went to school with that guy

Last night I was in bed scrolling through twitter on the phone (as one does) before shuteye. I came across a tweet on the KTVU account detailing the suspect linked to recent shootings in the Potrero Hill neighborhood. Reading the name and looking at the picture, the immediate thought came to my head: “I think I went to middle school with this guy!?”

This morning I message the lone classmate from middle school that I still call a close friend today. “Didn’t we go to middle school with this guy?” Said friend wasn’t sure, so I dug up the 8th grade yearbook. Sure enough, there the suspect was, right amongst former classmates I vaguely remember. It’s been two decades since middle school!

It’s kind of surreal to realize that I went to middle school with an alleged murderer. It’s just not something you think about back then, obviously. The childhood years are full of hope and goals. Even for students who aren’t academically gifted or behaviorally sound. You kind of expect everyone to figure it out eventually. The system sure gives people plenty of chances. Can’t get into a regular four-year university? There’s redemption at a junior college.

In the yearbooks, they never poll for most likely to murder someone. Not only because that would be wildly inappropriate - even as a joke - but also it’s not something you imagine would ever happen. You wish only the best for your school peers. I guess ultimately it’s jarring to see the divergent path of someone like myself and the former classmate who is now a suspect in a murder case. What were the influences and consequences that lead him down the dark path?

An intensely traumatic childhood, most likely.

Precious times

They say time is the most valuable asset we have, and we should try our best to not squander any of it. Sounds great on paper, but have these people ever try to get out of a warm bed in the morning? The eternal fight between the comfort and protection of the covers, and the dreadful cold of a morning bedroom. Keep the heat on during the night? I’m too Asian and not rich enough for that.

Instead of getting out of the bed promptly after wake, I waste about an hour scrolling through twitter on the phone. Having my phone within reach of the bed is probably one of my worst habits, but I simply don’t have the willpower to quit. Reading through twitter in the morning is like reading the morning newspaper for people back before the times of the Internet. It’s informational and entertainment. The real enemy is infinite scrolling: there’s no natural stopping point, unlike an actual newspaper. The dopamine drip can be as endless as your capability to stay in bed.

The productive thing to do would be to actually get out of the bed, and then check twitter on the MacBook Pro. This preserves the value of checking the news in the morning, but crucially, it also gets me out of bed. Crossing the physical barrier is what releases me from the intense hold of that warm cover. Back when I lived with my parents, feeding the cat was what got me out of bed immediately. I think I need something similar to that to serve the same purpose.

Ultimately, I can’t be wasting an hour plus stuck in the bed every morning. What’s the point of waking up so early if I’m just going to squander away those precious morning hours? Perhaps it is time: I shall charge my phone overnight on the drawer across the room. I’d have to get up and out just to turn off the alarm.

Twitter imposter syndrome

Sometimes twitter can be quite depressing, but not in the way that you’d expect. No, I am not one of those people who lacks self control and get absolutely entrenched into twitter flame wars and arguing matches on for hours on end. I am a nobody; my follower count as of this writing, after nearly a decade on the platform, stands at 186. Half of those I’m convinced are bots.

The thing about the twitter that depresses me is the sheer amount of intelligence on display. The reason I can’t quit the platform even though it’s one of my biggest time-sucks is because I learn so much from so many people, from all areas of life. The sheer knowledge and the way people can articulate it within the framework of 280 words per single tweet is something I am in awe of almost every day. Nowhere do I feel more like an imposter than on twitter, where everyone seems to be and probably is smarter than I am.

That’s not exactly a negative - I learn plenty from those people ,after all - but it does make me doubt my own abilities and knowledge sometimes.

I have to remind myself the witty and eloquent people on my feed have immensely more experience than I do, and their smarts don’t invalidate my current standing - we’re simply on different life levels. Those people have been immersed in their respective industries for decades, so of course someone like me in his early 30s isn’t going to have remotely comparable knowledge or eloquence. My false move is equivocating a similar standing between myself and the people I follow. With enough hard work and continued learning, I will get to the same level someday and be a wizened master dishing out tactics and qualified opinions.

I mustn’t skip ahead of myself.

Back in my early college days when I was active in a local car club, everyone else seemed to be driving far cooler cars than my lowly Toyota Corolla, or people with the same car had more modifications and extra bits on theirs than mine. The inadequacy I felt was intense, being so one-track minded (and very immature) that I failed to detach from the situation and see that those with more/better were simply further in stages of life. Of course the fully-realized adult with a full-time job is going to have a far nicer vehicle than me who’ve only started university.

A decade later I am able to detach and look at the macro view, but sometimes I still want to run before I’ve fully learned walking.

Twitter's 280 character limit

Yesterday twitter expanded the 280 character limit to everyone after a soft rollout. We can all now tweet twice as long. In place of the word counter inside the text window is a circle that fills up as your type. Fascinating.

I hate the change.

280 character tweets is TL:DR status. Perhaps more of an inditement of my outrageously short attention span, but my eyes automatically gloss over these longer tweets. If the first 10 words don't capture my attention then I move the heck on.

The twitter timeline with these long tweest starts to resemble the Facebook feed, and that's never a good thing.

I like twitter because it's quick, concise, and to the point. Trying to articulate well within the old 140 character paradigm was downright artful. Shakespeare and Mark Twain both were fans of brevity. Countless times I was up against the limit and had to prune/revise what I wanted to say - it was excellent practice. Sadly, wont' have to do that anymore.

And it isn't like twitter will ever go back: can't take the cake away once you've given it.

I hope this one time jump to 280 will be the end of it. At 280 it's already looking less like what twitter should be - with character-based languages like Korean it's practically an essay; any more increases it might as well be tumblr.