Grandmother — Blog

Death of a grandmother

Thursday night, my maternal grandmother passed away. It’s something the family have anticipated for awhile now, so the news wasn’t too shocking. Probably more relief than anything: grandmother is not suffering anymore. Ever since she took a nasty fall back in early April and then later diagnosed with lung cancer, she’s been in a palliative care situation ever since. She’s a fighter for sure, a long and tough 89 years of life. May the deity in the sky rests her soul.

I largely owe my current existence here in America to my grandmother. She brought my mom and dad over here from China on a family visa. How completely different my life would have been had we stayed in China instead. An alternative timeline not worth pondering about. I’m just grateful and thankful my grandmother made this timeline possible.

Due to ongoing COVID-related restrictions, I’ve long said my official goodbyes to grandmother some months back. The facility permits one visitor at a time, no longer than 30 minutes. Said visitor needs a same-day negative rapid test, and has to fully suit-up with protective gear. Because of that, it was more prudent for my mother and her siblings to do a rotation of sorts. Most of the grandkids visited once and that was it.

Due to Chinese cultural superstition, I now cannot attend my good friend’s - who is Chinese - wedding next Sunday. It is considered very unlucky to partake in celebratory events, until the deceased is properly buried and funeral rites performed. That won’t happen for my grandmother until the Sunday after next. So it is with great disappointment that I had to inform my friend I will be bowing out of wedding party duties.

He and I probably don’t care at all about superstitions, but our parents certainly do. It’s a shame and slightly unfair that I have to miss once-in-a-lifetime (you’d hope!) life milestone of a good friend. Simply to appease the spirits of our dead ancestors. Honestly, I am a bit mad about it.

I should go to a game

Our local SF MUNI metro line - the M line - has returned to service. For over a year we’ve forgotten just how loud a passing train on the tracks can be. Alas, the windows in my studio in-law unit is not double-paned, so I get to hear the rumble every time a train goes by. Honestly though it’s not that intrusive; it’s the previously prolonged absence that have made it noticeable. At my old place I lived right next to a bus stop; I’m sure I’ll get used to this just the same.

It’ll be great to walk the one block to the metro stop and take the M train right to the baseball stadium at the downtown waterfront. For whatever reason, I’ve yet to attend a baseball game at Oracle Park this season, even though things have completely opened back up. The Giants also have the best record in the major leagues going on two months. Perhaps we’ve been stuck inside for so long, we don’t quiet yet know how to get back “out there” completely. I’d nearly forgotten there was actually baseball last year.

Gone are the halcyon days of attending half dozen of games a month.

The super virulent delta variant isn’t helping things, though I’m not particularly concerned about it. Everybody in my family who’s eligible have already gotten the vaccine (and looks like we’re going to need that third dose). Except for my grandmother, whose stubbornness and lack of mobility in her old age have thus far refused to make the trip downstairs at the old people home to get the shot. Even the threat of not seeing her grandkids is not enough of an incentive. None of us want to be the one to get her sick with COVID.

This isn’t some indoctrination of constantly watching Fox News (unless there’s a Chinese language equivalent I don’t know about). My grandmother just doesn't like needles, and want to avoid the potential initial side-effects of the vaccine. I’ll keep badgering my mother to badger her mother to get the shot, though. Ultimately it’s the safe thing to do.