Well, I did it. I managed to do absolutely nothing for about four hours yesterday afternoon, and I don’t feel one ounce of guilt about it. All I did was sat in the chair and listen to music, periodically glancing at the twitter feed, or chatting with my friends on text. Normally on a holiday like yesterday’s Labor Day, I would be taking advantage to do more. Even if it’s just watching the backlog of subscribed shows on Youtube, in my mind that’s way more productive than getting lost in music for a few hours.
Finally, some progress.
I’m the type of person who uses busyness as a gauze for any mental anxiety I’m dealing with. So long as I’m being productive, I won’t then have the time to face any internal demons. Obviously it works for awhile, but then I’d have to keep going always. If I ever stop, then I will have to think about those other unpleasant things. For better and for worse, the feeling of accomplishment salves the pain.
It works, until it doesn’t.
Of course then even when I’m otherwise mentally okay and feeling content, the urge to keep productive remains. This is why I generally cannot relax and do nothing; weekends are for more stuff, not less! This is the toxic side of “time is your most precious commodity” that people seldom talk about. We try to cram as much life in as possible, not allowing any moments of stoppage. As with anything in life, too much towards any extreme is bad for you.
What’s all the toil during the workweek for if I can’t lounge around in daydream for half the weekend day? Life is enough of a cyclical hamster wheel as is. No need to make it worse. Daze on, my friends.
Zigging and zagging.