My Youtube rabbit-hole this past weekend was personal finance videos. In particular, this episode of Caleb Hammer’s Financial Audit struck emotional resonance with me. The person having her finances checked over by Caleb is child of Chinese immigrants. Her family migrated over to America when she was eight years old. So did I! But unlike her, I am not swimming in credit card debt.
But like her, I bore the burden of supporting Chinese parents who did not know the English language, and were wholly unfamiliar with American culture. Whatever childhood we had were arrested abruptly, and we had to become essentially adults soon as we learned English. Any interaction with the outside world was automatically thrusted upon me. Can you imagine needing to go to the hospital, and it's your kid that has to communicate with the staff and fill out forms? Actual adults were suppose to do that!
I couldn’t ask my parents about anything. They simply did not know.
Needless to say, a lot of my proclivities and neuroticism stem from that period. Because I had to shoulder so much more burden than any typical kid, I absolutely detest anyone who cannot put their own weight. Nothing annoys me more at work than people who cannot do the one job they’re suppose to do. Me having to pick up the slack takes me right back to my childhood of performing the adult duties that my parents could not.
Another thing stemming from that time is my inability to ask for help - even when I totally can and should. Because I never could ask anyone for help back then. There was nobody to share that burden. So the adult me ends up trying to do as much as possible, by myself. Not because it’s the best way, but because I simply have not developed any better.
Obviously, I don’t blame my parents. It is, indeed, what it is.
Geometrically speaking.