It is Monday, August 31st, the final day before September, of the year 2020, pandemic edition. These days with each turn of the calendar I am both surprised and dismayed that yet another month have gone past already, and still we are mired in this lockdown predicament that we’ve been in since March. When will it end? Who the heck knows, but the world keeps marching on, and so should you to the best possible.
Despite it all, I have to say my mental health have actually improved during this quarantine, something pleasantly unexpected. Coming out of a funky 2019, I was expecting a slow road back to equilibrium as another year arrives, but it seems COVID have accelerated those steps: I had to adapt quickly or risk having my anxiety issues turn for the worst. For better or worst, it seems having the space and time to focus on my thoughts - thanks, lockdown - and to think things through is a good form of psychotherapy for me.
My anxiety problem was largely resolved in Spring, and during the summer months I had a reconciliation with accepting situations as they come and going with the flow of life. Surely in part due to the quarantine, early June I was really rebelling against my current situation and being miserable that I can’t do anything about it. Eventually I come to remember that it’s rather useless to lament things that are out of my control, and life happens no matter my mood, so might as well be pleasant about things no matter if they are good or bad. Surrender to the flow and trust that it will eventually turn out okay.
As corny and magic-dust as it may sound, soon as I acquiesced to the flow, my life sort of fell into place perfectly like puzzle pieces, one after another. Things I’d normally stress over or worry about seems to fix itself, or solutions pop up just as I need it. It’s rather amazing.
Lately I’ve been working on the continuing struggle of staying present in the moment, which is a never-ending quest. Right now what I’m marinating on is that thinking about the future - near or far - robs me of the present moment. Don’t be so eager for the next thing on the list, even if that thing is better and more fun than what I am doing right now. Focus on the right now, and stop constantly anticipating; because eventually you’ll run out of the things to anticipate (read: death) and you’ll regret not having dedicated proper attention to your experiences as they happen.
That’s what I’m working on; I hope the final four months of this crazy 2020 will be at least in parts fruitful.
Daybreak.