A conundrum I’ve been grappling with lately: if I get done early with the day’s schedules, should I take a break until the next day, or attack what’s to come and keep piling it on?
On a theoretical level, I think it’s healthy to take a breather, especially after I’ve already executed everything on the day’s docket. Why shouldn’t I take advantage of the well-earned leisure time? Go on; open up Youtube and drown myself in automotive-related videos. Rinse and repeat when tomorrow arrives.
The problem is that often during those downtime, the utter lack of productivity leaves me with a sense of anxiety. Perhaps my daily checklist isn’t rigorous enough, and that’s the reason I even have time leftover to begin with. Or perhaps I should get a head start on the following day’s schedules: the faster I finish, the more I can do and learn.
I’ve become so preoccupied with maximizing learning that I can’t allow myself to have satisfactory moments of mindless activity. That’s now how it’s suppose to work! I set goals for what’s to be accomplished for the day, and when those are done, that should be it: no fretting, no anxiety of inadequacy.
Think back to school days: when I got done with the night’s homework, I didn’t yearn for more or agonize over whether or not it was enough; I was only ecstatic at being able to turn on the Playstation for some Grand Theft Auto action. As far as I was concerned, the goal of homework wasn’t to reinforce learning (even though it did), but rather it was to finish as quickly as possible so that I can have free time to play games.
Why can’t I replicate that now? When I get done with the day’s task I feel like I should be doing more instead. Already studied Korean for an hour? How about another more: I’m need to study again the next day anyways, so might as well get ahead on it.
Perhaps that’s the price to pay for progression; I understand taking breaks are important, but these days I absolutely detest idle time. It’ll be a rough road, but I think I need to gradually reacclimate myself with the notion of being perfectly fine with not doing anything productive.
Shudders.
The many faces of San Francisco Chinatown.