Making Haste Slowly - 2019 Reflections

Honestly, I struggled to think of what to write about for this year’s year-end reflection piece. My 2019 from a certain perspective can be viewed as typically good: work is going well, I got to travel a bit as usual, and personal relationships are stable as ever. I even bought a car, after a one-year hiatus of going without a vehicle. Based on those things I can certainly write the standard start-to-finish expository piece, telling you how awesome everything is chronologically, and then put down some more awesome things to look forward to in 2020.

And that would’ve sufficed okay, because from a macro view, 2019 was a good year. However, beneath the varnish and veneer of showing people only the best side of us, this year can also be viewed as one of the more confounding and tumultuous years I’ve had in quite some time. In complete truth, my feelings towards 2019 run the gamut of joy and misery, with lots of self-reflection and soul-searching.

I do grant that relative to many others, there’s really nothing to complain about; but this game of life is unique to each individual, and the problems we face aren’t diminished just because others have got it worse. Detaching to the look at the bigger picture is a tool to deal with our problems, rather than be used a cudgel to bludgeon us to “get over it”.

And I think it would be disingenuous to simply give the circumstances of the year 2019 a happy spin. It’d certainly make writing this far easier, but for the sake of posterity and learning from my faults and pitfalls, I shall allow myself to confront once again the troubles I’ve had in 2019 and spell them out for you here. They stem from three crucial moments this year, and it’s around these three incidents this 2019’s year-end reflection post will be centered on.  

The first, is my Porsche 911 GT3.

In many ways, it was very premature to buy the 911 back in January. Coming back from my annual winter trip home to China, the aura of making a big change for a new year sort of took hold of me; few things would come close to as big of a move as spending six-figures on a sports car I’d only drive on the weekends. It completely altered my financial situation, especially coming off of not owning a car at all for a year. Suddenly, it’s not just car payments making a return, but ancillaries too, like insurance and fuel costs. There were definitely times where I thought I might have bitten more off than I can comfortably chew.

To be sure, the plan was always to buy the 911, and heading into the close of 2018, the financial side of the equation, in terms of saving up for the hefty down payment (half), has come to completion. In that sense I was ready to pull the trigger at any time, and as is the wont of car enthusiasts, I was not keen to wait any longer than necessary. From the time I returned from China to the moment I signed the papers for my Sapphire Blue Metallic GT3, it took but one week. I was of the mind to get it over with as quickly as possible, and as chance would have it, a reasonable example was for sale over at Porsche Fremont.

By mid-January, I was the owner of my dream car: a 2015 Porsche 911 GT3. A decision that utterly changed the trajectory of 2019 in ways I did not expect.

It didn’t take long for me to ascertain an innate understanding of the mantra that material things don’t bring you any more happiness, and chasing after them for that specific purpose is as pyrrhic as it gets. I wish it didn’t take writing the largest check I’ve ever written to achieve that clarity, but perhaps the same lesson wouldn’t have been there had I instead dropped $50,000 on a BMW M2. Immediately post purchasing the GT3 I was not overwhelmed with joy or even a sense of satisfaction; rather, the sensation I got was immense anxiety.

Anxiety that comes with car ownership: the related chores like parking and maintenance that are now back in my life after a blissful year of not having to deal with any of it. Worse, the stress is amplified by magnitudes because of how expensive the GT3 is. For sure, it’s not something I thought a lot about during the process of saving up to buy the car, and indeed that’s a gross miscalculation when the car in question is priced into the hundred thousands.

Compounding the stress is the unconventional route I took to buying the 911, one that’s largely backwards from the usual 911 owner. Primarily, I lack a house with a garage, and cars in the class of a GT3 aren’t ones you’d leave parked on the street, especially when said streets are in San Francisco. While most owners have a nicely secured place to store their 911, mine is parked at work some seven miles away from where I live. It’s a covered lot away from the elements, but to have your pride and joy be that far away and semi out in the open, it can increase anxiety levels no matter how much mind detachment exercises I do.    

Nevertheless, I had to quickly become okay with the situation, and that was the hope going in anyways that I would be able to handle the arrangement, because otherwise I wouldn’t have bought the car. I wasn’t going to spend an additional $300 – the going rate of a private garage for rent in San Francisco – simply to have that extra peace of mind and proximity. Instead, I had to accept the situation, and let go what I absolutely cannot control – the risk of someone – or acts of god - messing with the 911. I put my full trust onto the fact that if anything were to happen, that is precisely what auto insurance is for.

By providence and extreme good fortune, the GT3 hasn’t incurred as much as an errant nick this whole year while parked, and for that I am extremely thankful, and currently knocking vigorously on actual wood.

After the anxiety of potential damage to the car subsided, then comes the difficulty in accessing the car just to go out for a drive. It can either take 15 minutes if the family car is available to borrow, or up to an hour if it isn’t and I had to take public transport. Naturally, during the earlier months when the excitement of the GT3 was still fresh and simmering, I’d no problem doing the long schlep to get to the car. Once the newness wore off, however, it became an utter chore, which is quite an insane thing to say given it’s my dream car and whatnot – I should be chomping at the bits to drive it each and every time, but that’s how it goes once you settled back down from the highs.

It was often times annoying and stressful to have the car be that far away. A ‘first world problems’ kind of complaint, perhaps, but it’s the truth.    

Ultimately, it’s the relatively vast financial commitment that I’ve made to the 911 that’s caused me the greatest amount of anxiety, and the genesis to the question whether it was premature to buy back in January. Not to say I couldn’t comfortably afford the car – this isn’t a robbing Peter to pay Paul situation, but the fact is the monetary outlay to purchase and keep the GT3 is equivalent to renting a studio apartment in San Francisco every month, and as with renting a place, the initial acquisition cost for the car took up the entire amount of savings I was comfortable to part with. To go from a place of security in having many 10s of thousands saved up to instantly vanishing it into a material object was superbly jarring, more so than I had anticipated.

I absolutely love cars, and I don’t ever regret spending money on any of it, but to make such a significant jump to another price category without the sort of income typical to the usual purchasers of such cars was a paradigm that took me much of 2019 to get used to. Sometimes the GT3 does feel like an albatross of sorts, that I’m betraying my values of growing up in a family that had to scraped by from paycheck to paycheck. The six-figure commitment took away any flexibility I had to make financial moves in the next few years, and dealing with that reality was often times quite hard.  

It didn’t help that everything else that goes into supporting the 911 is dramatically more expensive than most cars, so it was tremendously difficult to get back to a savings equilibrium where I feel mentally comfortable and whole again. Two of the three crucial moments of 2019 that I will expand upon later made the problem worse, and effectively I was chasing my tail for much of the year, filling a hole that’s seemingly bottomless.

There are many positives to owning the 911, obviously, and indeed those outweigh the combined negatives of what I’ve written about. The GT3 truly is the best sports car for the money (fight me, Miata fans), and the sublime of wringing out the engine to its 9,000 RPM redline is enough to make all the stress and anxiety disappear into the background. I’ve kept a diary about the joys of ownership here on this website, and I can honestly say it’s my proudest creative work I’ve done in 2019. Please go there for many words and pretty pictures, and a far rosier frame of the 911 experience than the pages here.  

The second big moment of 2019 that had a profound effect on me is traveling to Japan in July. It’s somewhat hilarious that it was a trip that I wasn’t even all that excited to go on; perhaps I’ve become jaded to traveling abroad after doing so much of it the past few years, but I think the key reason to my lack of anticipation for the Japan trip relates back to the 911. After sinking a huge chunk of money to procure the car, it was definitely not the best decision to spend another few thousand dollars only a few months later. Just as I recovered somewhat from the gaping financial hole that I purposely gave myself, out goes the last modicum of savings yet again.

The promise to go to Japan was made before I bought the GT3, so it would be unfair and selfish to renege on it. Good thing then, because as it turns out, the time in Japan was some of the most wonderful ever while traveling abroad.

You can read all about why in the five-part photo stories series I wrote. I was so enamored with the trip that for once I actually felt compelled to spend the numerous hours putting the many thoughts and scenes together as a memory to relive. To make a long story short, I discovered a near perfect affinity for Japan: the country’s culture and customs fit so well with my own introverted nature that I instantly felt at home. I greatly admire the Japanese people’s passion and dedication to practically anything, from the most mundane and boring to the most exquisite and complex. Particularly for my car enthusiast leanings, Japan is practically heaven.

I’d thought South Korea was the best sort of home away home for me culturally, that if I ever had to emigrate anywhere, somewhere around Seoul would be the top destination. After the Japan trip, that spot has changed. Again, it’s funny that before going I was decidedly not excited about traveling there.   

So there was considerable sadness when I left and flew back home, made worse by the third major moment of 2019 that I’ll talk about soon. Before Japan, I never got the sort of post-vacation sadness or depression that some people do, and I never could empathize with those feelings. After coming back, however, I got to experience it for the very first time, and the effects of the post-travel depression lingered on for way longer than I’d expected or wanted.

Ever felt like a stranger in your own home city? Well, that was what it felt like for a certain period after returning from Japan. I had so completely fallen for the way of living in Japan – however surface and superficial one-and-half weeks’ worth of vacation time can provide and prove – that I almost hated here in San Francisco. It didn’t take much to trigger those thoughts: on the first day back to work, the morning bus was late by many minutes, which was a super stark contrast to the always-on-time (or someone is going to have to commit hara-kiri) public transportation system in Japan. Why can’t we have nice things here in States?

Rightly or wrongly, I started to compare things here in San Francisco with those in Japan, and it always led to frustration. Take for one example the amount of property crime and theft here in the Bay Area: you nearly can’t go a day without a Citizen app alert saying there’s been a strong-arm robbery somewhere, or reading someone on twitter saying his parked car has been broken into for the nth time. Compared that to Japan where I felt fully comfortable and safe leaving my camera bag exposed in the back seat of our rental car while it’s parked, and how you can walk around anywhere at any time of the day without fear of robbery.  

The more I thought about the contrast between here and Japan, the more stressed I got. I was depressed that there was nothing I can do to change the situation, and it was a matter of becoming okay with living in San Francisco again, and relearning to love it, warts and all. That took a while, slowed significantly by the events that transpired immediately after my return to the States, the third crucial moment of 2019.

Thanks to my Chase credit card, I’m a member of Global Entry, so coming back into the States through immigration is usually a scan and on your way affair. In returning back from Japan into LAX, however, I got flagged for secondary search. Initially I didn’t have a problem with this, thinking that it’s probably a random routine search, and I always comply with the regulations of bring things into the country. However, during the questioning, the agents started asking pointed questions about my itinerary and what I did for a living, drilling down to what I felt was way more detail than necessary. At one point an agent even got frustrated with me because I couldn’t come up with my phone’s unlock code fast enough.

Something was amiss, because it felt like I was being treated like a suspected criminal, rather than a routine search to make sure people with Global Entry aren’t sneaking in contraband. Of course, the agents found nothing on me, and after 30 minutes of grilling I was on my way to my connect flight back to San Francisco.

Four days later, Federal agents served a search warrant on our family home.

I never thought I would get to tick the bucket list box of experiencing being held at multiple gunpoint and then be handcuffed, while I was still in my sleeping t-shirt and underwear. Thanks to having been and being acquainted with members of law enforcement, I knew exactly what do in that situation, and tried to be as calm as possible. It’s my dad who I felt sorry and worry for, him being the person who was actually awake at that ungodly early hour and had to witness the Feds knocking down the front door, DEA style.

It’s not a type of trauma you recover from quickly.

After the initial shock, I was more amused that anything because I know for sure me and my parents have not done anything wrong – I’ve never got so much as a speeding ticket. Without going into much detail, it turns out my younger brother did something shady involving things on the Internet that the CBP was investigating, and since we live under one roof, and the Comcast Internet account is under my name, that’s likely the reason why my profile was flagged and I received the intensive secondary questioning coming back into the country from Japan.

The Feds took away all related electronics, which unfortunately included my computer, tablet, and phone, because what I have largely mirrored what my brother has, and for sake of thoroughness they wanted to go through my things to make sure everything is good and kosher. I knew I’d be fine, but Federal investigations take a very long time, so it’ll be a long while before I’d have my things returned to me. A mere four days after coming back from Japan, I got stripped of every one of my electronic devices, through no fault of my own.

This isn’t a cruel judgement on my brother; that’s just the reality for me. I’m a bit of stickler for routine, and the Feds breaking down our door is about the biggest shock to the system I can imagine. Already in the beginning throes of post-Japan sadness, this particular episode’s timing was horrible.

So, I had to go out and spend another many thousands of dollars to buy a new laptop and a new phone, piecing back together as much normalcy as possible. Remember I wrote earlier about the filling a seemingly bottomless hole after buying the GT3? The Japan trip was a jab against it; this thing with my brother and the Feds was nearly the knock-out punch. I went completely into austerity mode, shaving down any unnecessary spending, which meant driving the car less (fuel costs are hefty when the best you can manage is 17 miles to the gallon). That presented double-edge sword, as the act of driving is highly meditative for me, and doing less of it in the latter half of the year meant it exacerbated the existing issues I was facing.

Most acute of which was the hanging specter over my brother: his case with the CBP. While his infraction was small compared to the criminal empire that was under investigation, he did break the law, and the consequences are real, if the Feds choose to press charges. It was a huge cloud of uncertainty looming over my family, and try as you might to ignore it and go about daily life normally, it was tacitly understood that there is no relief until the investigation is over and a decision is rendered.

Adding to the difficulty was the revelation that my brother had been suicidal for a few years now, ever since he moved away to Santa Cruz for college two years ago. It was another layer to grapple with for the rest of us, dealing with not only how my brother got mentality distraught enough to want to end it all, but what roles did we each play in contributing to that crisis. Coming to grips with that was tough, and it heighten the stakes of the investigation. If the decision turns against my brother, jail-time might be the least our problems. Recovery for my brother would be lengthy process.

For much of the second half of 2019, I had to deal with that aftermath, on top of my own issues with post-travel depression and the weight of owning the GT3. It was certainly rough at times, stressed and anxious about impending bad news as I went through the motions of daily life. It’s a terrible way to live, being in fear that the next phone call or knock on the door is the one to forever change our lives permanently. The strongest one is for sure my brother, to be able to string together some semblance of regular life under such crazy pressures, able to find a job after undergrad, and seeing therapist regularly.

In any good story, there’s got to be hope and resolution at the end, and here at the conclusion of 2019, I shall provide some positivity to this otherwise stark year-end reflection.

Two weeks ago, as of this writing, CBP returned the confiscated passport to my brother, and I got my entire haul of electronics back (great, now I have two phones). While they can’t say for sure since the overall investigation remains ongoing, it appears my brother will not be charged, given the entirety of the circumstances. Needless to say, it was a massive sigh of relief, especially for my brother, who almost broke down upon hearing the news.

As for me, I’m obviously overjoyed for him, and on a personal level, getting my stuff back was a much-needed puzzle piece to get myself back to an equilibrium. It was a total trip turning the iMac on and seeing everything in pseudo suspended animation, with everything frozen in the time to that Thursday in July. The return of my things coincided perfectly with me finally shaking off the haze I was trapped in since coming back from Japan, and also coming to satisfactory terms with owning the 911.

In life, you make some big decisions, and in doing so there’s no turning back or taking a do-over. I would say buying a six-figure sports car would rank up there in that category, especially for me doing it the unconventional way: before making a great amount of money and buying a home. The trigger has been pulled, and I have to be okay with that decision and make the best of whatever associated outcomes there are, good or bad. There’s no use in lamenting inconvenient situations or the extra hassle that comes with my inability to store the car right next to where I live. Buying the 911 is the choice I made, one that I should have no regrets about, and the thing to do now is enjoy the process of ownership as much as possible in the coming years.

I’d like to caution once more that nothing material will ever make you happy or happier; it must come from within. The momentary high of achieving a goal or buying that dream car is infinitesimally fleeting, and sooner or later you return to your original baseline, necessitating a new chase to be “happy” again. Owning the 911 for sure doesn’t elevate my level of happiness: I’m still the same person who just so happen to have an expensive car. That’s it.  

Not to say you shouldn’t keep striving for goals and achievement, but I think it has to be for different reasons, rather than hoping to be any happier once you’ve done it. I used to think having ‘passion’ for something was relatively useless: who needs passion when simple work ethic can carry you through anything? (Ah, must be my Chinese communist upbringing…) That may be true, though I’ve come to realize that passion is the only thing that will differentiate out what truly matters, and the key ingredient that provides meaning. Passion makes you want to continuing moving forward and making process, without the dangling carrot of money in front.

Passion is what induce people to quit their regular 9-to-5 for something new and risky, and willing to devote many hours towards that endeavor. Passion is what you’d do for free, for no applause or recognition, because it’s important to you, even if it’s just you and no one else. For example, this website is my passion, and that keeps me producing content for it on a regular basis. I don’t ever check the site’s analytics because I’d keep doing the exact same thing even if no one reads it.

Cars are obviously a huge passion for me: that’s why I religiously saved and then altered my entire financial situation with one signature to buy the Porsche. Because it’s important to me. Therefore, so what if I have to take a bus ride just to access the car? It’s part of the process. 

I think the opposite of passion is attachment. When you’re attached to the outcome of something you’re doing or anxious about events turning out the way you want, there’s bound to be disappointment. As Master Yoda would say, that leads to suffering.

Going forward I think passion makes a solid litmus test to filter down things that matters to me. It’s a shift from wanting to consume and do everything and treating life as a checklist – that’s how it spirals into a never-ending, unsatisfactory hamster wheel. One of the silver linings from having my phone confiscated back in July was that I lost my lengthy queue of podcast episodes to consume (it was at least 50 deep). In starting over with the new phone, I purposely became very selective and picked only the episodes that are absolutely interesting to me. I wouldn’t hesitate to stop listening to one midway, and I also ceased the habit of listening at increased speed: the whole point is to learn and improve, not jamming it into my brain as fast, and as much, as possible.

It’s less stressful that way, too. There’s really no rushing the process; being passionate doesn’t make it go any quicker. One of the books I read this year that stuck with me the most is ‘Creative Selection’ by Ken Kocienda. The book chronicles Ken’s time at Apple writing code for the ground-breaking devices like the iPhone and iPad. The key revelation I took away from the book was that even at the level of genius computer coders, there’s no avoiding the tedium of work, of the slow and gradual process of hacking away at a problem until the eureka moment. Of course, the consumers only see the spectacular end results, and have no idea the laborious and long ordeal it took to get there.

The actual work of super smart people isn’t that different from what we do. Reading that book gave me confidence to continue doing the things I’m passionate about, that it’s important to keep going and keep iterating; changes and improvements are supposed to be irritatingly slow.

This philosophy is useful for dealing with life’s problems as well, and I couldn’t have endured through the three major moments of 2019 without drilling it completely down to the principle of putting one foot in front of the other. The next day may not be any different than the previous; you simply have to trust that eventually, things will get better.

Last year the motto was trusting the process; in the coming 2020, let’s make haste slowly, step by step. See you all on the other side.

Top 10 songs of 2019

1. ITZY – 달라달라 (DALLA DALLA)
2. 방탄소년단 (BTS) - 작은 것들을 위한 시 (Boy With Luv) (feat. Halsey)
3. TWICE – Fancy
4. Chung Ha - 벌써 12시 (Gotta Go)
5. Taeyeon – 사계 (Four Seasons)
6. 볼빨간 사춘기 (BOL4) – You(=I)
7. IU – Blueming
8. Jung Seung Hwan – 눈사람 (The Snowman)
9. Red Velvet – Sunny Side Up!
10. Hwasa – 멍청이(twit)

Trust the Process - 2018 Reflections

Progress is difficult to see by when your goals are measured in many months and years. Gone are the days of rapid discovery and learning during childhood, where a missed day can be the difference between success and failure. Adulthood is a slow-roll of sameness, day after day. Motivation, then, is difficult to find.

If you’re as ambitious as I like to think of myself as, your goals are huge, fantastical, and takes quite a bit of time. The daily trudge to get to the end point can be altogether hopeful and extremely frustrating. Indeed life is a game of compounding: the daily gains of a savings account are minuscule, but come tax time the delight from the accrued interest is amazing.

That is until you realize you have to pay the U.S. government 15% tax on capital gains.

So every day is another day crossed-off on the calendar, slightly ever closer to the end-zone. This agonizingly slow yet steady progress is what I can best sum up this year of 2018. No major breakthroughs, no significant achievements; just normal, consistently consistent everyday life.

And that’s completely okay.

Or is it? Honestly It took me quite some months to find my rhythm at the beginning of the year. 2018 was always going to be a year of transition, deemed so by me turning age 30 the December prior. Contrived and cliche as it may be, flipping the leaf over to a new decade is indeed a transformative occasion. I’ve been a categorical ‘adult’ since turning 18, but this year was the first time I’ve ever truly felt the word and meaning of it. Anybody that’s still in college and below are considered kids to me, which can be strange because I work at a university.

ADULTING

As expected from an adult, I’m to completely invest myself in the adult milieu. First and foremost is a proper career. I’ve been at the same place of employment practically since college, and I’m immensely grateful for the opportunity to have job with incredible work-life balance, and a public worker’s pension at the end, should I remain there for the rest of my working life.

And that’s where the rub was in early 2018. It’s typical human nature to constantly crave the new and the fresh, and work was getting just a bit too stale and same for me. I didn’t not enjoy it, but I was seriously juggling with the question of whether or not it’s something I want to keep doing for the next few decades. The easy route would be to stay, but is it the most satisfactory?

I didn’t have the answer, so I started dreaming and scheming. I’ve always been enamored with Asia, so perhaps I should move there and work as a proper English-speaking concierge type person for a hotel or business. San Francisco remains insanely expensive to live, so perhaps I should move to another less monetarily demanding State (like Montana), and try my hand at this Internet thing, whether it be freelance writing, or producing videos on Youtube.

The options that didn’t involve staying at the current job entailed leaving San Francisco, which I reckon was absolutely necessary because finding another job in the same city I saw as a lateral move, even if it paid substantially more. My routine wouldn’t have changed much at all, only what I did during the eight or so hours at work.

If I were going to change my line of work, so too must the scenery change.

Obviously, the career move did not come to pass. I’m still working at San Francisco State, and as of typing this I’m enjoying a nice week and a half of provided vacation time between Christmas and New Years.

And to think most people have work up until the very last day of the year; I am undeserving of such good fortune.

Momentum is a stubborn thing, especially when forces have been constant for many years. The exit velocity needed to alter the trajectory is tremendous and difficult to attain. I didn’t switch careers this year because my job, boring as it may have become, was too comfortable and reassuring to leave. I mean, what utter arrogance for me to be dissatisfied? What of the countless others who would absolutely kill to have what I’ve got. It isn’t enough for living in San Francisco, but discounting housing, what I make per year is enviously comfortable. You can actually look it up: California public employee salaries are public information.

So you can say I chose the easy way out, and on some level I agree wholeheartedly, but I can assure you the process arriving at that decision was anything but. I have zero regrets about what could have been; in life you make decisions, and then you simply deal with the consequences, negative or positive. That said I did leave myself a backdoor of sorts: if I were ever to be let go from my current position, I’d immediately execute any one of the exit strategies I’ve listed above.

Because nothing lasts forever, and I never take for granted that I can easily keep the same job until retirement, especially because I work for the State. It only takes one serious downturn in the economy for them to start paring down the expenses, and I’m not stupid enough to think of myself as indispensable. Nevertheless, I’m resign to the fact that it would take something on the scale of that to make me go skip town for a new adventure.

Wasted potential? I guess you can say that, but those are not your consequences.

Besides, I’ve found something highly motivating to keep me where I’m at. The story begins back to what constitutes to being a proper adult; I’ve already spoken of career; another pillar is a home. Great and awesome my culture may be to allow adult children to live with their parents until infinity (some would say it’s demanded), in early 2018 I looked at venturing out to a place of my own. Again, that whole turning 30 thing.

As it is infamously renowned, San Francisco’s housing market is damn impossible for anyone making under six figures. Even renting a one-bedroom place reasonably close to work would entail spending half of my gross income on rent, when the golden formula calls for at most a third. Theoretically and mathematically feasible, but being “house-poor” is not a good way to live. No more annual upgrades to the latest iPhone, for one (though I really should stop doing that irregardless).

Until or unless the local housing market softens back to saner levels - whenever the local and State governments can finally muscle out the reluctant NIMBY homeowners to allow for vastly more building - I shall remain living with my parents. Spending over two thousand dollars on rent goes against every fiber of my fiscally conservative sensibilities. I can afford to, but I don’t want to.

But that money otherwise has to go somewhere. For the past few years I’ve been on a traveling binge, so much of my disposable income have gone towards that. Flight and hotel costs add up eye-wateringly quick, especially when I tend to only frequent expensive first-world metropolises (I really want to go back to Seoul). It’s money well spent: I think everyone should do a bit of traveling at least once in their life, preferably before serious onset of adulthood and its accompanying responsibilities.

A RETURN TO CARS

Outside of the annual winter trip back home to China, I did not do any other traveling in 2018. I have found something else to direct my funds towards. It goes back to one of my first loves: cars.

Paradoxically, it has not been a good year for my family in terms of luck with cars. My father’s 1992 Toyota Previa finally gave up the ghost back around the time of the Super Bowl (suck it, Patriots). The head gasket failed, and water in the combustion chamber is never a good thing. The ruined engine wasn’t worth fixing, so the van was donated to charity (returning zero dollars in tax write-off), and the car my brother was driving for college - a 2006 Toyota Corolla (my very first car) - became my father’s new daily driver.

The Corolla wouldn’t last out the year, either, as I’ll write about down below.

So we had to get a new car for my brother. My parents’ generosity in buying a new car for me way back when was to be replicated for him, something about fairness and not appearing to play favorites. They had originally planned to do so after he finishes college, but the Previa’s untimely destruction forced an audible. In comes a brand new 2018 Volkswagen Golf GTI, much too nice and expensive of a car for a college kid that haven’t yet turn 21.

Crazy Rich Asians, my family is most decidedly not.

Jokes aside, a new GTI indeed proved to be too much car for a person who can’t legally be served an alcoholic drink. I found out when I did the arrangements for insurance. Due to young males being the worst demographic for auto insurance cost, the car was bought in my name, which meant it was up to me to insure it. The tactic only managed to dampen the blow slightly: adding my brother and a $30K vehicle to my policy of a 2016 Mazda MX-5 proved to be an absolute financial shock. I went from paying $90 a month for my lonesome to over $300 for the entire lot.

I can afford it, obviously, but that sort of outlay still hurts. Anything for family, right? Laughter turning into tears.

Aftershocks from the insurance increase would last for quite some months. My frugal sensibilities simply could not stomach paying that much money for auto insurance; a Porsche would be cheaper to insure. Also selfishly I don’t much like to pay insurance for a car I don’t even get to drive. For the few months up until the end of May, the $300 plus monthly outlay was an albatross glaring back at me. I had to make a change.

So I sold the Miata.

Obviously I was not going to bail on paying for my brother’s insurance, so to cut down the costs I had to get rid of my own car. Other contributing reasons are numerous; primarily because I’d rarely driven it (14,000 miles in 2.5 years), and also because San Francisco traffic is so horrendous that commuting - even though I’ve got one of the best most fun-to-drive sports cars for the money - completely wrecks the soul and psyche. For the first time since end of junior year of high school, I am commuting via public transportation.

Even though driving is faster than taking the bus, the serenity from not having to worry about navigating through the maze of other cars on the road is the greatest sublime, and well worth the extra time. One of the best thing I found in 2018 is the joy of listening to podcasts on the bus, and only needing mental energy for making sure I get off when at the appropriate stop. I arrive at work (and home) refreshed and ready to go, rather than tight and stressed, likely still incensed at the idiot who had cut me off earlier.

As long as I work and live in the city, I don’t think I’ll ever go back to commuting by car. Public transportation is better for mental health, and just better for the environment. Yes, I’m going to be one of those smug assholes.

Though it does leave me without a car. For the first few months after selling the MX-5, I was surprisingly, completely okay with the situation. The extra money in my accounts were looking ever so beautiful. Around late July however I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms, and began seriously missing the joy (and not so joys) of car ownership. For a self-professed petrol-head to not have a single car was probably too ambitious of a heading. The new plan, however, would be equally ambitious.

911 OR BUST

I was adamant to not commute in a car again, so what I needed was one exclusively for the weekend, something to enjoy in the leisure days in between work weeks. In my brief automotive history I’ve own a Subaru WRX STI and the aforementioned Mazda MX-5, and whatever I choose next wasn’t going to be facsimiles of those two types of cars. It has to be a proper sports car, needn’t be too practical because I’m only driving it on Saturdays and Sundays.

Aside from an Alfa Romeo, next on the list of must-own cars for a car enthusiasts has got to be the Porsche 911. The iconic shape have ensnared me since very first time I laid eyes on the wide fenders of a 993 Turbo. Owning a 911 have always been some far-fetched goal for me, principally because it’s quite expensive to buy. I’ve never paid over $40K for a car ever, so the prospect of a car in the six figures is pretty insane.

Insane enough to give it a go. If the ultimate goal is to own a 911, then wasting time and money with other cars in the interim is just silly. My next car will be a 911, and not just any plain 911 (because that’s not how I do things), but a GT3.

A rather ambitious plan, one that requires lots of capital. That’s why I’ve been absent in the traveling game this year; any discretionary income have been put away into the GT3 fund. I haven’t implemented such austerity measures since back when I was first saving up for the WRX STI. It feels good; feels familiar.

It was intense money saving mode for the latter half of 2018, which made everyday life a bit less interesting than it could be. Going outside costs money, so I seldom did. Remember also that I don’t have a car to easily go anywhere. I wrote at the beginning of this that progress is difficult to see on daily basis, and I did the best I could to endure the humdrum and mundane until the GT3 arrives. In a rapid society of instant gratification, it’s easier said than done.

Most of my weekends were spent with my parents: help run errands, do grocery shopping, and generally hanging out. Selfishly speaking those activities don’t cost me a dime, though I’m sure my parents don’t mind the extra attention.

No situation more so than in October when the Toyota Corolla, like the van in February, also gave up the ghost. The Corolla suffered a transmission failure in the form of shattered third and fourth gear. To fix it would cost more than the car itself was worth, but it would still be vastly cheaper than buying a new car. My parents were resolved to fix that car, until I intervened.

The Corolla’s failure gave me the opportunity to do something I’ve always wanted: buy my parents a new car. Being the frugal immigrants from poverty that they were, my parents would never dare to spend money like that on themselves, so it was up to me to return the favor. While my father’s preferred auto shop was busy sourcing a suitable replacement transmission for the Corolla, I too made some calls to car dealerships.

In the end I prevailed by buying (leasing) a 2018 Hyundai Tucson for my parents. My father over the years have frequently lamented he’s never driven a brand new car in his life, albeit half jokingly; he turned the golden 60 this year, so it was as good a time as any to fulfill that bit of want.

Of course, adding a lease payment to my monthly expenditures hasn’t done the GT3 fund any favors, but we’d do any for our parents, wouldn’t we?

It’s interesting how quickly I’ve transitioned from being the constant traveler to now staying put and turning my focus back to cars. Payments on the Porsche will keep me where I’m at for at least the next few years, which is just fine with me. 2018 has largely been the transition period between the two paradigms, with the second half of the year mainly consisted of me actively preparing for the next phase.

THE PROCESS

But what exactly do I do otherwise when the process is simply stack money and try not to spend any of it until I’ve got enough? Certainly I can binge watch the entire Netflix catalog in the meantime, but for me that would be a huge waste.

To beat back the boredom and blandness that adult life may bring, one must have strong discipline and good habits. There must be some things to occupy your everyday that excite you and get you out of bed in the morning (or afternoon; I don’t know you). There’s only a few out there lucky enough for that thing to be their career; the rest of us must find something outside our of jobs.

Each day I have my list of things to accomplish: read for an hour, study Korean for an hour, write on the blog for at least 30 minutes, and take an interesting photograph for the 365 challenge. I get a visceral endorphin boost when I tick of final item and I’m done for the day. Chasing that feeling keeps me motivated to not hit the snooze button on the phone, and I trust in the process that after doing this daily list for long enough, the effects would compound into something positive and spectacular.

It certainly has for my Korean studies, because mastering a language requires an intensely long time. Hard to think that it’s been two solid years since I’ve embarked on the endeavor, and I’m far from finishing (you never truly do when learning a language). In early 2018 I exhausted the third and final textbook, so for the rest of year I hatched my own study plan, which includes watching Korean shows and writing down words I don’t understand as new vocabulary, and perusing Korean newspaper as reading and speaking exercise.

An hour per day to study Korean is significantly less than the four when I first started, and with the reclaimed hours I was ready to move on to learn another skill. I’ve wanted to play the piano since I was a kid, but never had the opportunity to learn it completely. After scaling back on Korean I was set on the piano as the next challenge. Just when I had books and keyboard lined up for purchase, the goal of buying a 911 also came to into being. Due to the massive expenditure required for the car, I had no money to allocate for the piano, so that was ultimately put off yet again.

Priorities. I may or may not have them.

The extra hours instead got allocated to something that doesn’t cost money: writing. I’ve been slacking tremendously on that for the past few years, with the scant blog post here and there, and the only long-form writing coming in these end of year reflection pieces. It’s been said that to get and keep good at writing, one must do it everyday. Mired in the quagmire of indecision on life earlier this year, once I found my heading in deciding to stay at the job and selling the MX-5, I began to write on the blog every weekday.

The topics didn’t matter at all; the exercise is the point. To get the mind muscles thinking, and the fingers typing. Some days the words flow out like a breached dam, and some days I could barely muster a paragraph after sitting in front of the screen for an hour. It definitely got easier as the year went on, and I’m extremely chuffed that I managed to blog consistently all the way up to today. It’s probably what I’m most proud of this year.

LET’S POWER UP

And that’s what 2018 have mostly been about: doing my daily checklist, and spending time with the family on the weekends. It’s dependable and low drama, which from how I’m looking at it, is a very good thing indeed.

As for the coming 2019, it should be more of the same, except for one big thing: the arrival of the 911 GT3. I’m not sure exactly when during the year it’ll happen, but once it does, that is when the fun really begins. My life outside of work will revolve around cars again, a return to life in my early 20s. The difference now is that as a fully realized “adult”, I actually have the means to play.

It’s going to be sweet.

2018 TOP 10 SONGS

1. Red Velvet - 두 번째 데이트 (My Second Date)
2. Loco & Hwasa - 주지마
3. iKON - 사랑을 했다 (LOVE SCENARIO)
4. Red Velvet - Power Up
5. Yang Da Il & Wendy - One Summer 그해 여름
6. Moon Byul - SELFISH (Feat. Seulgi Of Red Velvet)
7. Taeyeon - 저녁의 이유 (All Night Long) (Feat. LUCAS of NCT)
8. Zico - Soulmate (Feat. IU)
9. Jennie - SOLO
10. IU - 삐삐 (BBIBBI)

Amor Fati - 2017 reflections

I turned 30 this year.

Wait, this beginning sounds too familiar to my editorial on turning 30 years of age. This is what happens when my birthday is relatively close to the end of the year. So after having just done a reflection on the past 10 years of my life, here's the look back at 2017. 

Indeed a big component this year was the crossover to the fourth decade of life. I'm not going to hash out again all my thoughts and feelings here (for that I suggest you go read the editorial), but to sum it up, now that I am on the other side of the proverbial mountain, I am at once relieved and excited about what's to come. In 2016 I was quite worried and feared turning 30, but as with most things in life, everything turned out for the best. 

My 20s were a period of discovery and experimentation on what shapes me as a person, and I think for the 30s decade it’s time to put that knowledge into action. As long as I ensure my foundation is in good shape: proper sleep, exercise, diet, and financial stability, I’ve got all the tools and time to pursue whatever I want. 

Whatever that may be I cannot say because if there is one thing I learn the previous decade is that the future – and our related thoughts and personality then – is incredibly difficult to predict. Cliché as it may to say take it one day at a time, I think it’s a good technique to avoid straying off the present and looking too much into the future.

STOICISM

A big theme of this year in terms of personal development is practicing stoicism. Borne from all the fear and anxiety that I had about turning 30, late 2016 I picked up the writings of Seneca, one of stoicism's founding fathers. Call it fate or what have you, but it was the exact sort of advice I needed at that time:

Life is long enough if you know how to use it.

One of the primal fears of turning 30, however manufactured by society it may be, is that 30 represents the top of the mountain that once crossed over you are then on the rapid plunge towards death. On a macro level that seems ridiculous because isn’t the life expectancy in the U.S. somewhere in the 80s? For someone starting his 30s I'm still in the ‘spring’ of my life. 

For sure the allure of youth have a terrible grip on the mind. One of the big reason we hold onto our 20s so dear is because it is the prime of youth and beauty. Athletes start to not function so greatly after they’ve turned 30, and the decline can be dramatic. We have it in our minds that 30 is the end of our youth and thus a sobering reality of "actual" adulthood and decline looms in the immediate future. We shall never look as awesome and spry ever again. 

Even if that's true, that is okay, because that’s nothing you or I can control. One of the big tenets of stoicism is to only focus on things you can control. Worrying about things you cannot is a waste of time and energy. Aging and turning 30 is a naturally process that will occur no matter what I do; why would I want to stop it anyways? Isn’t the opposite, death?

I resigned to tolerate the uncontrollable reality of turning 30, and I ceased to be stressed about it. The other things in my everyday life as well: stuff that used to bother me, that upon reflection I have no power over, they no longer do. Imagine getting mad at every little slight that happens on the road whilst driving: it’s almost guaranteed that everyday some driver will do things that will annoy you, and if you let that get to you then that’s a very harmful way to live. I choose to let them occur, brush it off because I can’t control what other drivers do, and motor on with my business.

Through stoicism I found joy in driving again. That’s how much I use to internalize things I have no power over.

Another major point I worked on over 2017 related stoicism is the focus on the present, and only the present. It’s tough for sure, and I reckon it’s going be an ongoing practice for the rest of my life, but it’s highly worth it. I’ve become calmer with less anxiety, and the thing or person I’m currently focus on gets the benefit of my full attention.

One example: the past few years I’ve been traveling a lot, and it’s wonderfully rewarding indeed. A constant trouble I have is anticipation for what’s next, rather than looking at and enjoying what’s in front of me. The week before I set off on trips I’d be quite useless because my energy is so intensely focused on the trip that my daily tasks and whatnot gets forsaken. While on the trip I’m constantly looking ahead to what is next, to the point where there were moments I’m thinking about what I’m going to do once I get home – while still overseas(!).

It’s a destructive habit because I don’t/can't experience the trip to it's full. When I keep looking ahead (or behind), what’s directly there is but a blur or mirage. Something is very wrong when I get a better enjoyment of the trips while editing the pictures I took afterwards at home. 

That’s not how the force works.

It’s always a struggle to keep in the present, but all I can do is to keep working at it every day. As soon as I detect my mind wandering, I snap it back to what’s here and now. Nowadays I don’t get overly excited about traveling until the day of getting on the plane: the week before I am still focused on what I need to do at work and personal. It’s funny that now when people ask me what I have planned for or how excited I am for a trip, I tell them I've got too much to do before then to even think about it.

Don’t mean to sound like an asshole, but it’s a defense mechanism from wandering into the future. 

I like to think Stoicism and staying in the present moment are big reasons my trips overseas this year have been dramatically more enjoyable and fruitful than years before. I shall tell about them now, because while work and personal life have been fairly constant in 2017 from 2016, traveling is the big differentiator, without which there would be much less to write about in this reflection piece.

YEAR OF TRAVEL

In January this year I once again traveled to Hong Kong because I just love it so much over there. The people, the culture, the food, it’s so familiar to me. Diversity is great here in America, but there’s no shame in finding joy to be amongst people that look and speak like I do. Our tribal ancestors would agree, and so would any high school cafeteria during lunch hour.

Being that it’s a second trip within calendar year, I was much more prepared that I was last time. I had the bearings down and it was simply a matter of scouting out potential locations to visit and making it happen. We stayed in the same hotel and it’s quite the surreal experience to be eating at the same local restaurants a year apart. While the proprietors don’t remember us, we sure remember the place and the food. It’s oddly homey, even with the time distance.

It’s on this Hong Kong trip where I had my first sample of Din Tai Fung, which is this famous xiaolongbao restaurant originating from Taiwan that everyone raves about. The Bay Area actually has one in Santa Clara, but as you’d expect the lines are enormous and you practically can’t eat without a reservation. Hong Kong to the rescue.

The verdict: it’s excellent xiaolongbao, but I wouldn’t wait in line for it, though I tend to not  want to wait in line for most things.

One reason I wouldn’t is because in March I went to the birthplace of xiaolongbao: Shanghai. I took the week off during the campus spring break, and the sights there were spectacular. Never mind the food: The Bund waterfront area is an absolute jewel, so much so that I went twice: once during the day and then a return at night to take in the complete spectrum. March weather in Shanghai is cold enough to be bearable – much like San Francisco, so it was perfect.

Obviously when in Shanghai one must eat xiaolongbao, and as expected they can be found literally everywhere, like Starbucks coffee in Seattle. We didn’t go into any fancy restaurant because even the xiaolongbao from a side-street food stand is the best I’ve ever had. There’s indeed no substitute for eating a particular food at its place of origin. The xiaolongbao in Shanghai differs from what I’m used to in the States in one way: it’s a thicker bun. The ones in Shanghai actually is a ‘bao’ as its namesake, while the ones we have here more resembles dumplings.

An hour from Shanghai by high-speed rail is the city of Hangzhou with its world defining feature: West Lake. It’s a vast lake with beautiful scenery that poets of ancient China visit to attain inspiration as if a muse. The lake is gorgeous, and we spent the entire day simply walking alongside it. Those who rather venture into the lake itself can find a multitude of boats for hire. It’s a shame we went during too early in spring because many of the fauna have yet to blossom. My advice: go during April.

The coup de grace of trips I took this year was the two June weeks I spent in Korea. A trip that’s been a long time coming, seeing as I’ve been into Korean culture for the longest time, and started to learn the language in 2016. It was the culmination of all the pent-up anticipation that made it extra special, though now that I think about it there was absolutely zero reason we couldn’t have done it way earlier than this year.

Stoicism says you must let things develop and flow as they are, and they usually turn out for the best.

And indeed it has for Korea, because thanks to my rudimentary Korean language skills, the trip was less awkward and smoother going that otherwise. While English may be the universal language, it’s still nicer to be able to speak the local lingua franca. One advantage is the ability to eat at the super local restaurants that's only got written menus with no pictures and zero English. It’s certainly not tenable to do this for every foreign country you visit, but it's great when you can. 

I was glad to put my Korean to test as well, because the trip was the first time I spoke Korean with other people in conversation. Nothing like trial by fire, and there were some truly awkward moments indeed, but overall, it’s a net positive because it’s by making mistakes that I learn and advance. Too bad I’m not white because otherwise the locals in Korea would find it amusing rather than rude that I’ve forgotten to insert honorifics when speaking to someone older than I. Instead I look like a Korean with no manners.

I had the best time in Korea. The food alone is worth the trip, especially if you like Korean food as much as I. Not only is it cheap when considering we are spending U.S. dollars, but the quality and taste is so dramatically better than the Korean restaurants here. I naively thought this wasn’t possible, but same as Hong Kong ruining Chinese food for me, so has Korea for Korean food. Since coming back from the trip up til now I’ve had Korean food here a grand total of two times. It’s a tragic problem of the first world magnitude.

Summertime in Korea is hot and muggy, though not quite Southeast Asia levels. It was for sure shorts and t-shirt weather for us, and anytime we can find shade and a building with air-con was a welcomed reprieve from the heat. We definitely got used to it, and a positive side-effect of going during the summer is that at night it’s the best atmosphere ever. The temperature comes back down to mid 60s, and wandering outside in Seoul taking in all the night scenery is a absolutely wonderful. Sitting on the shores of the Han River watching the Banpo Bridge’s Moonlight Rainbow fountain show was an incredible highlight.

And the city doesn’t close down early like we do in San Francisco: deep into the night and early morning there’s food places to be found, and you can do so because it’s an extremely safe country. The lifestyle in Korea is sublime. 

The two weeks in Korea we stayed in Seoul for eight days, then Busan for one day (high-speed rail there is supreme), and the rest in picturesque Jeju Island (one hour flight). Jeju is like the Hawaii of Korea, super laid-back, and renting a car to get around is a must. We booked an entire house on the outskirt of the main city and basically treated it as a vacation within a vacation. Lounging around doing nothing and simply enjoy being there is how we did Jeju. We did drive around for a bit, visited some beaches and landmarks, but other than that the only time we got out the house was to eat. 

The famous Sunrise Peak of Jeju is a must-do: wake up in an ungodly hour to hike up a natural crater to see the first light of the morning. The view is so worth the lack of sleep and physical discomfort.

I am smitten with Korea, and for sure will be going back in 2018. 

There was an uncomfortable lull between the Korea trip and the next trip I took in 2017: Taiwan during Thanksgiving week. After blowing two straight weeks on Korea, I did not have any vacation time to use on another trip later in the summer, so I had to wait a long time (for me) until I could leave the country again.

Travel withdrawals, they are real, and they are first world.

The trip to Taiwan this time was special because first I wasn’t sick as I was two years ago, so that automatically increased the amount of activities two-fold, and secondly it’s the first time I vacationed out of the country with my father and brother. Call it bonding time, call it father-son(s) time, it was quite special indeed, especially wonderful to see my father have a great time traveling after working so hard all these years.

Yes, a second time in Taiwan, specifically Taipei. I’ve done practically all the major tourist stuff during the first visit, but it was great to visit them again because this time I had a better camera with me. Due to sickness, last time I didn’t really take any photos so one of the main reason I went back to Taipei again was specifically to shoot belatedly all the places I went to the first time.

Taipei is a beautiful city, and the fact it was semi-rainy weather the entire week we were there made for more dramatic pictures. Traveling during November also has the advantage of avoiding the unbearable heat and typhoons of Taiwan summers. The winter weather in Taipei is  alike to San Francisco, which for us cannot be better.

Right, the food. Yes, Taipei is known of its massive variety of street food and street markets, and they don’t disappoint. The sort of food truck festivals we have here in San Francisco pales in comparison to the almost industry they have over there. In Taipei alone there’s something like seven established night food markets – dinner for the week is practically covered should you decide to visit a different one every night.

We did no such thing (we went to three) because it’s important to have proper dinners and eat other Taiwan specific food stuff such as hot pot and seafood (it’s an island, after all). Nevertheless, if you’ve got the stomach, Taipei is food heaven. Just don’t expect much for breakfast because most restaurants don’t open until 11am at the earliest. My advice especially to those not familiar with Chinese is to get a breakfast package at your hotel.

All told I traveled four times during 2017, and all four destinations were in Asia. You know adults often go to Las Vegas to unwind and escape their “normal” life? I think Asia is my Las Vegas. I love it over there, and will always go back at every opportunity.

Therefore 2018 should be more of the same. The second week of January I’m once again going to Hong Kong. Now that I’ve practically exhausted all the touristy stuff to do, I think I’m simply going to hang back, focus on food, and explore the city at my leisure – like a vacation at some remote place. Another reason for going to Hong Kong is my cousin is making the mistake of getting married so it should be a fun time with the family.

In June the current plan is to finally make the trip to great old Europe. The itinerary hasn’t been at all figured out yet, but for sure on the list is England and south of France. Great thing about Europe is that everything is so close and connected so it should be great fun crossing multiple country lines within a day.

Lastly, I think I shall make it back to Korea during Thanksgiving week. I’m a bit apprehensive about this being winter in Korea is properly cold – we’re talking negative degrees, which is not something I am used to. That said, I’ve been told the winter atmosphere in Seoul is altogether different and amazing from summer, so I think braving the cold to go there in November ought to be worth the extra layers of clothing and heat packs.

PHOTOGRAPHY

A primary reason why I travel so much have to do with the photography hobby. I simply would not be taking as many pictures otherwise, which is kind of disappointing now that I think about it. A major goal of mine in 2017 was to take more pictures than I did the year before: I want to match the enthusiasm and forwardness back in the early 2010s when I went out to shoot more often than I did in recent years. I want the magic of photography back, which I admit have lost some of its luster for me. Too lazy to get out of the house, perhaps.

With the assist of having traveled outside the country four times, I’ve succeeded the goal of taking more pictures than 2016. The aim next year is to repeat and increase.

Upgrading to a full-frame camera have been a dream of mine ever since I started shooting, and this year I finally made the jump to the vaunted 35mm sensor. Sold is the Canon 7D and Sony A5100, and in comes the much beloved Sony A7R2, and that thing is as amazing as advertised. A full-frame photograph has massive amounts of detail, and when paired with a Zeiss lens, things seemingly pop out of the 2D plane. Perhaps a touch vain, but the switch to the A7R2 have done most to reignite my passion for taking pictures. The difference is so striking that I want to go back to everything I’ve done before and redo them. It’s that magnificent.

42 megapixels is ridiculous and awesome. Do I even need a zoom lens when I can crop halfway into a shot and still retain as much detail as most cameras? Well, yes, a proper long zoom would be awesome. I’m currently shooting with a 24-70mm G Master and it’s fantastic but the holy grail next-up would be the 70-200mm G Master. Baby steps.

I cannot talk about photography without bringing up the iPhone X. I upgrade my phone every year despite the protest of good financial sensibilities because Apple deems it correct to advance the camera system with each iteration. With the iPhone 6S and 7, I finally felt confident in the quality to make prints – it’s gotten that good. The iPhone X is a quantum leap above that.

The new pair of lens along with upgraded processing system is producing pictures so good that I have no qualms putting them up on my website in full resolution. I had an extensive go at it during the Taipei trip, and on Instagram people cannot tell the difference between shots from the X and the Sony A7R2. That is simply amazing, and a huge credit to what Apple has done in the decade with the iPhone. I can conceivably see myself leaving the Sony home and only taking the X on trips, or rather I wouldn’t be all that sad if I were to accidentally forget the A7R2 at home.

I mentioned my website: in 2017 I made the switch from tumblr to a fully realized website hosted by Squarespace. I really should have done this a long time ago. I started a tumblr back when it was cool many years past and sort of stuck with it due to sheer lack of momentum to switch. It sufficed for quite a bit because not too long ago making a proper website was a daunting task, and Internet speeds weren’t yet fast enough anyways for a full-fledge high-resolution photo website. Times have changed, obviously, and tumblr’s paltry limit of 700 pixels wide on uploaded images no longer did the job.

Therefore, I made a Squarespace website, the one you are reading this on. It was dead easy: I picked a suitable template from the many they offer, and did a few customizations to taste. The actual difficult part was porting over all the information from tumblr. Photos must be re-uploaded entirely due to resolution, and blog posts transferred piece by piece due to difference in metadata handling. Took a bit of time but I’m extremely happy with the results. The photographs are presented well, and the blog continues on.

In the same vein, I’ve also consolidated my online presence in regards to photos. The flickr account is deleted, and I now upload photos taken with my camera to Instagram. The old tumblr website had a social element to it, and I wanted to replicate that somewhat so what better place than Instagram. Instead of only spontaneous shots from the iPhone, I upload prepped and edited camera photos as well, treating it as a photo blog.

It was dangerous at first because as with any human being, I was very cognizant of feedback in the form of ‘likes’. Instagram is addictive that way because you can tell what your audience prefers based on what photos get more likes. However, it can also be a negative in that I inevitably get disappointed in photos not so well received. Even before I started uploading camera photos it was like that.

It’s not exactly a good way to live, because I was stressing over and spending lots of time deciding what photo to upload, instead of simply doing it because I and I alone like a particular picture. Stoicism warns that it’s not good to care too much about what people think because it can distract from you doing what you want to do. Indeed, caring about how many likes I get on a photo was highly hurtful to the creative process. Posting on Instagram is the last step and ought to be straight forward, and I shouldn’t be spending hours on it making decisions to please other people.

In practicing stoicism, I am constantly trying to ignore the likes and feedback; if I myself am happy with what I uploaded, that is and shall be good enough.

As mentioned, plans for 2018 for photography is to take more pictures than this year. I think it’s also time to start dabbling in video editing, a natural offshoot of still photography, especially since most photo cameras can shoot video too. I once put together a video for my cousin’s wedding off GoPro footage and that was extremely time consuming but loads of fun so I want to get back into that. I bought a brand new 5K iMac this year so it’s time to really stretch its legs.

THE CAR

Stoicism teaches us to be content with what we’ve already got: wishing for more and more leads to negative consumerism, debt, and an ultimate lack of fulfillment. There is always ‘more’ to be had in this world. Instead we should shift the perspective and look at the things that's already there: wouldn’t you be pinning for them all the same if they are not in your possession? 

I relate this to my love of cars. I’ve had the Miata now for two years, and it’s getting to be that time I’m in danger of having wandering eyes. Not to say the Miata is bad, far from it: the ND generation MX-5 is a wonderful car, full of character and driving thrill it’s criminal how relatively little Mazda charges for it. I have wandering eyes because that is just the tendency of a car enthusiasts, especially one who subscribes to a multitude of car related YouTube channels and therefore constantly bombarded with new and awesome cars.

The new Honda Civic Type R looks the business, doesn’t it? I can certainly afford it. I gave up a WRX STI for the Miata, why not keep the line moving. What’s stopping this great?

Stoicism, again: every day I remind myself how lucky and awesome I get to drive the Miata, and how if I didn’t own one I’d most certainly want one. Besides, I’ve barely put 14K miles on the car in two years – it’s practically brand new (internally; wish I can say the same for the front-end paint). It’d be a huge waste if I were to move on having barely familiarize myself with it.

Being an adult turning 30 also stops the greatness. The five year ago me would’ve bought a new car no contemplation, but now it’s a completely different mindset. What is it about being a proper adult that seems to stop all my previously wanton spending tendencies? Nowadays any purchasing decisions over one hundred dollars requires some serious contemplation on whether I truly need the thing or not. This has saved me plenty of money, and the things I do end up buying I’m much happier with them.

One example: Apple Airpods. It took me over a year to decide on buying these wireless earphones, and it turns out to be the most favorite thing I bought in 2017. The freedom of motion adds an entirely new and magical dimension to music enjoyment.

Back to cars: I think I will be keeping the Miata for a long time, mainly because I want to use it more before moving on. The goal in 2018 is to drive more miles to more places with the car: no more weekends where it’s parked for two days until I must drive to work again on Monday. A car is only worth its purchasing cost if I use it; it’s no good being stationary.

This applies to other items I have bought as well. For 2018 I resolve to fully utilize the things I already bought, and be content and happy they are in my possession. In my 20s I tend to buy things that I fancy but half the time they end up sitting at a corner, neglected. I don’t think I’ve turned on the PS4 at all this year, the GoPro only gets used as a dash-cam, and my Surface Pro 4 tablet is only for when I need to watch YouTube while eating. Imagine that: a $1,000 machine doing the work a $300 tablet could do. Why the heck did I not simply buy an iPad? 

Back in October I wrote that I would start putting upgrades to the Miata slowly, but now I’ve changed my mind. There shall be no money-wasting upgrades to the car; I’ll only spend to keep it in good fettle, ready for the extra miles I plan to drive. The car is perfect for me as is from the factory. I rather conserve the money for the car I deeply want, over anything on the market today and to come in the next few years: a Porsche 911.

Preferably in GT3 guise.  

SIMPLIFY

At the end of 2016 I wrote about how I aim to simplify my life into a few core areas of focus: learning, reading, photography, and traveling. It was done because I was deep in the throes of anxiety over turning 30: I had felt time was running out and I needed to capture as much of what’s left. This past year most of my free waking hours were dedicated to those four areas, with no exceptions even on weekends. Any deviations from them felt like I wasn’t seizing the day and wasting time.

Turns out one can go overboard with that kind of stuff.

For sure it’s important to not waste time and to utilize it completely towards things that better myself. However, it’s important to not let the ticking of the clock dictate the pace and quantity, because that’s how I got in trouble psychologically. I started reprimanding myself for wasting time, even though some days I really could use a day of having nothing to do with learning, reading, or photography. Even though those things weren’t “work”, and I love doing them immensely, sometimes the brain still needs a break from them – and I don’t mean sleep.

I learned to take a few truly off-days here and there, and my productivity has been better for it. I also shifted my perspective from looking at time like it's a deadline to instead as a counting mechanism for the flow of life. I don’t set arbitrary limits and quotas anymore: if it takes me longer than two weeks to read a book or I’ve lingered on a single chapter of Korean for a month, so be it. I’m not going beat myself over it; so long as there’s forward motion of any kind, I’m content. Let things flow and take things as they come and go.

These are some things I simplified out in 2017: in addition to episodic television, I stopped watching sports almost entirely. I still enjoy the few games here and there, and attending a baseball game at the park is always a treat, but other than that I feel like the three hours or so dedicated to watching a game can be better used elsewhere, even if it’s car videos on YouTube. I can learn something from those.

Another thing pared down was the material things I own. You know the technique people use to spring clean their home? The one where you look at an item and if it hasn’t been used for the past year in goes to the trash. I’ve tried many times previously to do just that, but of course the human psyche is strong: I always tend to favor the side that tells me I should keep something if there’s even a minuscule chance I’ll use it in the future.

That future never comes. Especially when it comes to clothing.

This fall I went through everything in my room, and I put to trash anything that hasn’t been used in the past year – with no regard for future usage – and decorative items that have ceased to bring a smile. The result was a spectacular 10 trash-bag full, three of them just for clothes.

Why did I keep textbooks from high school? Seems stupid now.

What they say is true: the things you own weights you down. After throwing away the 10 trash-bags worth of stuff, my room was transformed: it’s whole new area. The air was better, and it felt more open even though dimensionally it can’t possibly have changed. Everything there now have a logical purpose, physically or mentality. It’s one of the best things I did in 2017.

LET'S GET IT

Towards the beginning of this piece I mentioned that so long as I continue to keep my foundation sound (sleep, exercise, diet, money), then I’m in good position to tackle the whatever I desire. I don’t foresee the core four of study, read, travel, and photography changing in 2018. Books are a forever project: there’s no better way to learn from/borrow someone’s mind, and a terrific tool for keeping a solid vocabulary.

In regards to studies, I think Korean will still consume most of 2018, as I’m barely in on the third of three textbooks. One thing I can say about learning a language is that it better be full-time or it’s not going to stick. There are no shortcuts: you’ve got to Malcolm Gladwell it. That said I eventually will move on, and as of right now I think I’m going to pick something I’ve wanted to fully learn since middle school: music theory and piano.

Wonder if these old and malformed fingers of mine will hold up. Didn’t Ryan Gosling learn the jazz piano for La La Land? He’s almost 40 isn’t he? I still have time.

As 2017 draws to an end, the only emotion I wish to express is gratitude: gratitude for being alive another day here in this wonderful country. Thankful for family and friends, and their continued good health. Grateful for a job I love going to every weekday, one that’s so rewarding in many facets. An appreciation for all the things – good and bad – that have happened thus far in my 30 years on this earth. It’s all so wonderful, and I only hope to live in such a way to perhaps be deserving of it. 

In 2018, let’s get it.

2017 TOP 10 SONGS

1. Crush - 잊어버리지마 (Don't Forget) Feat. Taeyeon
2. Zico - She's a Baby
3. KARD - Oh Na Na
4. TWICE - LIKEY
5. Red Velvet - 피카부 (Peek-A-Boo)
6. 여자친구 (GFRIEND) - 귀를 기울이면 (Love Whisper)
7. Bolbbalgan4 (볼빨간 사춘기) - 우주를 줄게 (Galaxy)
8. Taeyeon - Curtain Call 
9. Big Bang - 에라 모르겠다 (FXXK IT)
10. 방탄소년단 (BTS) - Go Go (고민보다 Go)

Nowhere to go but everywhere - 2016 reflections

Feels like I’m going to die soon. 

Currently I’m desperately close to the arbitrary threshold of turning the age of 30 that these days it momentarily and opportunistically scares the crap out of me, like a horrible psychosomatic reaction. Am I running out of time? What’s this arbitrary wall I can’t seem to see over and beyond? Even though statistically I’ve still got enormous amounts of years ahead of me, just what makes that infamous age 30 threshold such an imposing force? As Joey Tribbiani said in Friends: “Why, god? Why?”

Perhaps it’s normal at all to feel this way. But damn, if it’s that horrific now, what happens when the clock strikes 40? Or 50? I may need a psychiatrist on retainer.  

TIME

Time is the only commodity we have.

Money you can always make more, but once time is gone, it’s never ever coming back. At least not until they invent a time machine.

I’ve still got one solid year to go before the carriage turns into a pumpkin and I’m on the other side of the Great Wall of 30, but that panic has already arrived, at age 28, more than a year premature if you ask me. Is time up for me? It’s as if I’ve been struck down with a terminal disease and only then started doing a reflection on life and realize what so little I’ve done and what so much more yet I want to accomplish.

Silly looking back at it now, because of course I haven’t got a terminal illness, and it’s a disservice to those that actually has them.

In a twisted way, then, the turning of 30 barrier might be a blessing; you get all the emotions and positive peripheral side effects of an incurable disease, but you know, without all the dying at the end. Take the opportunity to reevaluate your life, and set a new path forward.

That’s precisely what I did.

Or rather, what I continued to do since the latter parts of 2015. The epiphany struck earlier than this year (alas I think about the future way too soon). In last year’s year-end blog post, I wrote about the self-critique and evaluation that’s already been done; 2016 was simply a matter of continuation, improvement, and concentration.

It’s making up for lost time.

All those countless hours (amounting to many, many days) binge-watching television shows, re-watching them, playing video games, reading pointless articles, umpteenth blog, the numerous YouTube channels, hundreds of baseball games, et cetera et cetera: what a complete waste of time that all were. Where’s the investment, where’s the enrichment? Them modern person needs entertainment from time to time, but when it dominates the entirely of your off-work life, then it’s a problem. May not be one for you, but it indeed is for me.  

I gave it all up. Well, most of it.

I reflected on what I should have done these past few years in lieu of all the hours spent on mindless entertainment, and I arrived at three legs of a tripod holding up the aspiration of self-enrichment: learning, books, and travel.

I must caveat to say that (hopefully) this isn’t just me desperately clinging on to whatever vestige of youth. The fact that I’m Asian means I’ve already got that covered. The occasional carding for an R-rated movie at the theatres is always amusing.

So, learning, then.

LEARNING

One of the issues of post academia life (i.e. getting a job) is that for the most part unless you’re in the class of people working on technology and engineering products (or doctors, scientists, lawyers and the like), you kind of coast along in your job, doing repetitive work day after day. That’s certainly the case for me, where helping professors connect laptops to projection systems in classrooms never really change all that much, even with Apple continuing to cut out ports and forces us to buy more and more adapters every year.

It’s not exactly intellectually challenging; once you’ve retained knowledge of what the job demands, you can then coast along, day after day. That brain exercise I used to get from the days in academia is gone, and watching television and playing video games during non-work hours certainly doesn’t help the situation (though I still argue hand-eye coordination is a necessary skill that video games provide for youths of the world – and gamers well into their adulthoods like myself).

Much like the body that requires regular amounts of exercise, so does that brain of ours. The lack of stimulation leads to atrophy, and that my friends, is how you die. I believe a huge reason retirees struggle with post-work life and seemingly age exponentially after they’ve stopped working is specifically because their brains no longer receive the proper amount of exercise. As many a wise person have said, learn and you’ll live forever; or is it learning like you’ll live forever. It’s probably the latter, but I’ll cling to the former.  

I had to pick something to study, to learn, and the selection was immediate: I’d (finally) tackle the Korean language. Being bilingual is cool (and every one should strive to be so), but trilingual is that much more awesome.

After countless years of enjoying the music from Korea and numerous variety shows and television dramas from the country, learning the Korean language was something I should’ve endeavored many moons ago. It’s logical: if I am to continue to enjoy the media products from Korea, it’d be that much more gratifying if I understood the dialect and weren’t beholden to English or Chinese subtitles.

So I bought a textbook and begin teaching it to myself.

Yes, no secret formula, no classes at a community college (the local one didn’t offer Korean, otherwise I probably would have), no private tutor. It’s just me, the textbook, copious amounts of college-ruled notebook pages, and finally, about four hours of time per day, every single day. In the finest example of Alexander Hamilton and Napoleon Bonaparte, being an autodidact is an immensely rewarding enterprise.

Being that Korean is my third attempt at acquiring a language, and one not super imposed upon me like it English was, the dynamic was completely different. I wasn’t beholden to a pace set by neither a teacher nor the need to acquire the language as quickly as possible. In hindsight, learning English was not fun at all because half the time I was frightened to tears, what with being in a brand new country, an entirely new culture, and having to attain proficiency as quickly as possible to be sociable and assist my parents (I was EIGHT). Absent comparable external forces and pressures, learning Korean was a vastly more amiable task, one in which I can go at my own pace, and not having to worry about mistakes relegating me to a poorer grade on the record card, or not being able to order fries at a McDonalds.

It was incredibly liberating, and I believe, the appropriate way to learn. Away from the pressures of academia and under your own volition is the utmost prime opportunity for deep and rewarding study (imagine that).

The sheer amount of time and energy involved in learning a language also made me realize just why my parents found it so difficult to learn English, and in the case of my mother, never did. Being a young and poor immigrant family meant both my parents had to worry more about putting food on the table than any earnest effort in learning English. Plus the fact we immigrated to San Francisco meant the sizable Chinese population allowed my parents to not have to use English in every day life. The lack of immersion and lack of hours available to devote to learning a language completely prevented my parents to speak the common tongue of this country, though I guess we’re all switching to Spanish in the near future, aren’t we.

The reason I never learned Japanese properly whilst taking classes during high school was strictly due to the lack of time dedicated. I had to juggle six other classes worth of course-load, thus that lone hour of the day spent in class and that hour of homework everyday (ha!) isn’t going to cut through any of the material and give it appropriate attention. The relative ease in which I’m ascertaining Korean led me to question why Japanese wasn’t as so, and it all concludes back down to time. To learn a language you’ve got to spend a good chunk of your day towards it, and there are no days off. One shouldn’t treat weekends as days off or vacations anyways.

That is, unless you truly are taking a vacation.

Thusly, in order to study Korean, I had to give up other activities of leisure. I practically stopped watching television shows sans a few (no way was I going to miss the Gilmore Girls revival), I no longer watch Giants baseball broadcasts, and the Playstation 4 has only been turned on during the year for the periodic firmware updates (why I bothered with even that, I’m not entirely sure). The few spare hours I’ve got after work on until I go to sleep was all dedicated to language study. Funny how when you’re so singularly focused on one thing and you have to discard other to make room, and yet afterwards you find that you don’t really miss the things you’ve relinquished. Stranger Things and Westworld? I’ve no desire to watch them, no matter how well reviewed they are. 

Allocate 50 hours for a Japanese RPG? It can wait.  

I reckon it’s a good metaphor for life: focus on a few things, and do those few things incredibly well. You may say variety is the spice of life, but who says you can’t make variety from within those few things you’ve chosen to do really well? I read an enormous variety of books, and after learning Korean I’ll surely move on to studying another, perhaps a fourth language, or music theory. There’s so much on offer, enough to induce selection paralysis.

An autodidact as I may aspire to be, I wouldn’t be able to learn Korean with only a book and a pen without the amazing assistance from the Internet; major kudos to the Naver app, Wiktionary.com, and the KBS World YouTube channel. It goes without saying, the web has opened up so many opportunity and resources for learning, and it’s mostly absolutely free. Practically anything you want to study, the Internet has it for you. In that respect, the world is quite figuratively your oyster.

The sense of accomplishment of that first instance when I watched a Korean television program without subtitles was complete magic. It made all those four-hour days instantly worth the price of admission.

BOOKS

During times I’m not frantically immersed in Korean studies, I spent it on books. It is said that the successful people of the world all read at least a book per month, if not more. Suffice it to say, I’m not successful at all, but in order to become so meant I must follow that adage and read plenty of books. Good thing I’ve already started on this towards the latter parts of 2015, and 2016 upped the ante tremendously.

Forget a book a month: I aimed for one a week.

Books allow you to borrow the minds and experiences of other people, to learn from them, especially the historical greats (I’m hugely anticipating getting into the biography of Winston Churchill, some 30 books down the queue – yes humble brag). No matter it be fiction or nonfiction, every book provides the occasion to open your mind to something new, different, life affirming, or life changing. And movies based on books are always better enjoyed after you’ve read the original text. If the movie is great, the experience is improved, and if the movie sucked, well you still got the books to cling to (like Twilight, probably). 

It was ambitious for sure, but for the first few months of the year, I was hitting that book-a-week mark with ease. That’s owing to the fact I didn’t start studying Korean until April, and with that advent of that, the book reading almost grounded to a thorough halt. I was right back down to the “standard” one book per month until the autumn season, during which I was able to take the foot off the gas a smidgen on studying Korean, and divert more time allocation to books.  

So for the whole of the year, it ended up being one book every two weeks. 70/30 split of non-fiction and fiction.

I buy actual, tangible books because who doesn’t like the smell of fresh books, and I annotate the heck out of them, pen and highlighter style. It isn’t the most efficient use of space, but I simply don’t find the same pleasure in touching a tablet to flip to the next page. Though it must be said, Kindle does make it easier to collate your annotations together; with physical books I’ve got to type out everything if I were to gather up notes.

Buy paper books, and support your local bookstores. They are places of extinction level numbers yet so magical that Amazon, the guys who literally killed the physical bookstore, now has a physical bookstore in Seattle. Mustn’t underestimate the allure and smell of book stacks and coffee beans.

Notable books I’ve read this year:

Alexander Hamilton, by Ron Chernow: the book that inspired Lin-Manual Miranda to write the ever-popular musical for coastal-elites. I for one cannot wait to watch the musical when it comes to San Francisco next year (got tickets!). But like me, you should read the book first beforehand. The book is a fascinating expose of Hamilton, from his birth outside of States, to his infamous death at the hands of Aaron Burr in New York. The one thing that strikes me most about the founding father was that Hamilton was an autodidact, and a large part of his brilliance in the creation of the Treasury Department and writing the Federalist Papers was self-taught.

The Private Life of Chairman Mao, by Dr. Li Zhisui, and Deng Xiaoping and the Transformation of China, by Ezra Vogel: being Chinese, I was rather interested in how modern China came to be the world juggernaut it is today, and there was no better place to start than the biographical accounts of these two major figureheads. Mao is widely celebrated as the founder of the People’s Republic, but in actuality he almost ran it into the ground. It’s scary to think modern China was so dangerously close to the realities of North Korea (Mao did had a male son, mind you), and the world is better for it didn’t.

The person to thank for that is Deng. His reformation and push for the advancement of the Chinese economy is the critical factor in elevating China into the world’s second foremost superpower. A prudent and logical man, he had none of Mao’s emotional tendencies, and was open to any ideas so long as it moved the country forward. While today it may be Mao’s picture that adorns the centerpiece in Tiananmen Square, I say for what Deng has done for China, it should be his likeness instead. Mao nearly ran the China into the ground, and Deng saved it.

On the Road, by Jack Kerouac: Kerouac’s magnum opus shows a romantic view of contemporary nomadic life, traveling throughout the country, finding your roots and plying a trade no matter the town Sal Paradise ended up in. It isn’t the most polished of books, and the story has a few congruency issues, but the crux of what I got out of On the Road is what I surmise what many others did as well: the love of the open road, travel, and endless exploration.

The Big Short, by Michael Lewis: nobody can linguistically weave and tell a story like Michael Lewis, and his retelling of the 2008 financial disaster is a must-read if you care the slightest about your money. While the big banks and other financial players were definitely at fault for the colossal amounts of bogus mortgages and their derivative trades that brought down the American economy, ordinary Americans who made those mortgage without any financial understanding should also bear some brunt of the blame (I’m quite Republican in many ways). Financial literacy really ought to be a required course in high school. I’d have so much money now than the pittance I’ve got if that were the case.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, by Mark Manson: ah yes, as we grow older, the amount of fucks we allocate to give out dwindles to but a tiny few. This book provides a guide to how to best allocate those fucks, so as to not waste time and energy (and time is a terrible thing to waste). What I got out of this book is that life can be streamlined to be a series of problems, problems for you to solve and fix. As you untangle the webs and finish each problem, you gain life’s satisfaction, and then you move on to the next challenge. Simplify, compartmentalize, and move forward.

Use death (and the fear of it) as the ultimate motivation to do and perform, and perhaps you’ll end up making something so remarkable that it will outlast your own atoms. That is the true marker of immortality, at least until scientists figure out how to truly perform such feat.

Tools of Titans, by Tim Ferriss: I refer this book as the self-help/improvement encyclopedia. Tim Ferriss have really done a number in amassing such a collection of wits, wisdom, and useful life-hacking tips. If you ever find yourself needing that extra bit of motivation, guidance, or general pick-me-up, this book is immensely beneficial. Of the many inspirations, Tools of Titans started me on taking magnesium as a supplement.

On the shortness of life, by Seneca: perhaps Seneca’s greatest piece of writing. For those of you thinking life is too short and you feel like you haven’t “lived”, this book is the golden ticket to unlocking the how and the why life really is quite sufficiently long (it’s after all the longest thing we’ll ever do), given you know the appropriate manner in how to live it. It boils down to giving up materialistic and trivial pursuits; learn from the pass whilst focusing on the present, and carpe diem the fuck out of every single day. This short yet succinct tome just may be the most important book I’ve read this year, and I keep referring back to it anytime I feel off the tracks, so speak.

PHOTOGRAPHY

With so much time dedicated to reading and learning another language, you’d think I’ve completely neglected my principle hobby of the last half-decade - photography - and you’d be right. I still very much enjoy taking the occasional pictures, but I simply don’t have time to slot in photographic excursions. That is pure excuse of course, because had I wanted to, I could have totally fit it in, but alas, hobbies and interest come and go, and photography looks be one of them.

These days it’s only during my travels that I break off the rust and partake in the joy of photography. Those self-made calendars I give out during Christmas got to have pictures, you know.

The Canon 7D and all its peripheries got sold to the highest bidder on eBay (man, eBay fees really eats into your bottom line). They say the best camera is the one you’ve got with you, and I just don’t have the mental willpower any longer to lug around a full-size photography kit. Portability and ease of carry is key – if you loathe to carry it, you’re less likely to use it. That’s why the trusty (and tiny) Sony NEX-5 camera is the main everyday go-to, and also, for the most part, the sensor on my iPhone serves brilliantly as well.

Smartphone camera technologies have certainly advanced leaps and bounds, and the results I get from my iPhone are now good enough for sizable prints. For the first time ever I can satisfactorily input so called “potato” shots into my yearly Calendar project, which is remarkable. You look at the very first shots made on instagram compared to those of today and the contrast is exponential. I firmly believe photographs are the best medium in transmitting/sharing memories and experiences, and smartphone have put a camera in everyone’s hands; it’s fantastic. I stay constantly amazed at the results I get from my iPhone 7, with nary a touchup or alteration required.

It’ll be another half-decade yet before the camera on a smartphone can replace all but the very specialized cameras. Until then, for the best of shots I still have to utilize a traditional DSRL, albeit one that hasn’t got a mirror mechanism and therefore incredibly small and light to carry around. The aforementioned NEX-5, after five years of service, bid an untimely farewell due to negligence with a rogue water bottle. The replacement I bought is its direct-line successor, the Sony A5100.

I got a new lens to go along with it as well. I’ve been pining for a Zeiss lens for ages, and the 12mm f/2.8 for the Sony e-mount finally got to within my price range (still cost more than the camera itself). There’s a saying that once you’ve experiences the esthetics of Zeiss glass, you can never go back to other brands, and those people are absolutely right. I’m completely enamored with the exceptional way the Zeiss lens renders a scene; leading to photographs I can’t get any way else.

TRAVEL

I’ve been talking about learning and books legs of the tripod that holds up the self-improvement aspiration, so we’ve now arrived at the third leg: travel. The travel bug really bit me hard the last year, and from then on it’s grown into an affliction, of the good sort of course. I cannot bear to be without a travel itinerary for more than a few months, and thankfully I’ve got a job that allows me to travel fairly consistently throughout the year (vacation time wise; sadly there isn’t any work travel to speak of). 2016 saw me visiting Hong Kong, Taipei, Chicago, New York City, and Yosemite National Park.

It’s been 14years since I’ve last step foot back home in China, so heading to Hong Kong in January was a tremendously momentous occasion. My dad’s side of the family is in China, and so are most of the cousins whom are my age. I’m not entirely sure why I waited so long to visit, since I’ve certainly had the means to do so way earlier. It’s interesting how priorities work: after graduation and getting a job, my singular goal was to save money and buy a car, which negated any opportunity at using that money instead of go back home. Hindsight being what it is, I probably should not have done that, but we can’t change the past, as they say.

Needless to say, 14 years is a very long time, and the changes in my family in China are quite staggering. The “kids” are all grown up with jobs, and the adults are by and large enjoying blissful retirements. Yet even with such a dramatic time-shift, the dynamics of it hasn’t change at all. Us “kids” still feel like kids, even though we’re all employed and one even married. Again this isn’t me or us desperately hanging on to whatever vestige of youth; it’s genuinely how it felt. I wonder if our parents ever went through the same quagmire, in which they’re at the end of their 20’s but still feel like a kid to their parents. Will we always feel like a kid when we’re amongst our parents, even when we have kids of our own? I guess I’ll know the answer to that eventually.

Hong Kong is a wonderful and bustling metropolis, and one you should definitely go visit only during the wintertime because any other time it’s too bloody hot and humid to be without air conditioning. But winter, ah, it was sublime. I’m a city kid at heart and I welcome urban density more so that the spread out suburbs. Hong Kong might as well be paradise. The abundance and variety of things to do within so small a square area, and it’s all so accessible because their public transportation system absolutely destroys the one we’ve got here in San Francisco. The convenience of Hong Kong’s subway system completely shames the money-wasting BART behemoth that takes you only to parts of the city.

If you haven’t found out already, the food is unrivaled in Asia. Even just the blocks surrounding our hotel offered more quality Chinese food than most of what’s here in San Francisco. I can eat out three meals out of the day without getting bloated with various agents of sodium and ungodly amounts of fat.

You may think going home to where everybody practically looks like me and speaks the same language may be remarkable, but in practice it is most definitely not. When you’re used to the sort of diversity we have in San Francisco, being in a place that severely lacks it, even when it’s “your own people”, is very disconcerting. There’s a certain sense of foreignness and unease, even though for all intents and purposes I blend completely in. I was more at home at the parts of the city with lots of foreigners, funny enough, though to them I probably look like a local instead of “one of them”.

Diversity is so awesome that it even trumps the innate want for homogeneity. I want to be able to walk down a city block and hear like 10 different languages.

After a week spent in Hong Kong, I took a quick jump to the island nation (well, not nation, because remember, there’s only ONE CHINA!) of Taiwan, particularly Taipei. If anything, I think I may like it even more than Hong Kong. The Taiwanese people are incredibly polite, and the streets and facilities are so clean, and the public restrooms are immaculate. Taipei is a diverse city, perhaps not in its population, but it the variety of activities and sights it’s got to offer. It’s a huge city, too (takes one hour by bus just to go from the airport to the city center), and I had a blast exploring every corners of it. A week’s time most certainly isn’t enough, and much like Hong Kong; I desperately need to go back again.

As it was in Hong Kong, Taipei is best experienced during the winter months, as the summer might even be more dreadful due to the dangers of typhoon and earthquakes, to go along with the humidity and heat. The climate during January however can be described as San Francisco-like, which for me is just about perfect.

And yes, there’s the food. You’ve never had proper bubble/boba milk tea until you’ve had it in Taipei. Even the ones peddled by the random corner store are miles better than the best you can get here in the States. After sampling (frequently) the boba tea in Taipei, I cannot stand to have the ones here in San Francisco without groveling about how much I miss the ones in its origin country. As for solid foods, there’s no better foodie paradise than the numerous night markets to choose from in Taipei. Don’t make dinner plans, go straight to the night market and pig out for the next two hours or so; it’s better Taiwanese food than any restaurant over here can offer.

You’d want to go back just for the food, really.

On the domestic front, Chicago is an incredibly scenic and picturesque city. The downtown skyline as viewed from lake Michigan is enough to arrest you for hours on end. It’s really unfair that Chicago has got a river snaking through it’s downtown, which makes everything better. It’s cheating if you were to design a city from the ground up. Imagine how beautiful San Francisco would look if it were to have a river go through it. Bodies of water do so well to accentuate the beauty of a city (we’d know, we’re three sides surrounded by them), and Chicago does well to integrate that gleaming river into its overall scenic quality.

That said, it all felt a bit shallow and hollow. Underneath the beauty, as we all know, Chicago is gripped by violence. Outside of the white northern neighborhoods, I found Chicago to be a bit joyless and heartless. No one smiles; people move on through their day like drones, there isn’t much happy there. And why would there be, when over the course of a one weekend over 50 people can be shot dead, with hundreds wounded. The Left thinks they are the party that do right by the people, but the Democrat-controlled Chicago is a stark failure in that regard. And to think, this is Obama’s town.

Anyways, no trip to Chicago as a baseball fan is complete without a trip to hallowed Wrigley Field. It still amazes me every time I think about the fact I was actually there. I’ve of course seen it numerous times on television, but to actually be there: is this real life? Wrigley is a lovely stadium indeed, and because it was built before any of us were born, it’s definitely got an old-timey vibe to it. It’s less clinical and industrious than the modern ballpark cathedrals; I quite liken it to the sort of cozy niceness you get at Spring Training ballparks. You can immediately tell why it’s earned the nickname “The Friendly Confines”. You can’t help but to make a new friend or start a conversation with your seat neighbors there; the atmosphere is so unique, and yes, I still can’t believe we were actually there. What an experience.

A quick word on Chicago food: deep-dish pizza might as well be a giant quiche, and while it’s delicious, for proper pizza I much rather have thin-crust, as it should be. A hard pass on the Chicago Dog: too many ingredients, difficult to eat. I ended up using a fork, with is antithetical to how one should eat a hot dog.

We then moved on to New York City, and what a magnificent city is it. I felt a sense of familiarity as soon as I arrived in Manhattan, and there is a succinct San Francisco vibe that permeates throughout. While I felt somewhat foreign in Chicago, I was right at home in New York City. Blindfold me and I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. It’s lovely indeed.

The cliché is true: the city truly never sleeps. The first night there we wandered about up into the wee hours of the night, and yet there’s still much to do, places still open if you so desire. The ability to get alcohol after 2AM! A subway system that runs 24-hours! Jaywalking is a beloved and encouraged! Due to all this, our day-night cycled got completely skewed. Waking hours weren’t until at least noon, and what was usually lunch is now breakfast. I reckon night owls would thrive in New York.

New Yorkers aren’t rude and in a constant hurry as the outside reputation would suggest: simply don’t get in the way of where they are going! If you see a gap, go; being too polite is hugely detrimental because you’re holding up the line behind you. Apprehensiveness will only make things worse. I wish San Franciscans would adopt some of that philosophy, especially in traffic situations. How many times have we’ve been stuck frustrated behind a car unwilling to merge out even when the gap is quarter of a mile wide. In New York, five cars would’ve gone already.

It was humbling and emotional to be at the World Trade Center memorial.

Going to New York City gave me the opportunity to finally test out which is the superior burger: Shake Shack of the east coast, or our west coast’s beloved In n Out. Heading in with all intentions of defending the west coast like I was in rap group in the 90s, the verdict came out to be that Shake Shack is indeed the better burger. In fact, it’s just about the best burger I’ve eaten given the category: fast food burger chain just a step up above McDonalds and Burger Kings of the world, but not quite the sit-down gourmet variety. Sorry, west coast friends, but Shake Shack burger is absolutely delicious (it’s the bread), so good that I made sure to have it a second time before I had to leave. They desperately need to expand up and out into our neck of the woods.

Yes, I’m going to be that smug asshole who will tell you smugly that you’ve haven’t had actual Halal Guys until you’ve patronize the original street side stand in New York, having to eat the stuff sat next to the sidewalk. It’s a completely different experience: the sights, smells, and sounds of a bustling Manhattan street adds immensely to the eating pleasure.

The last time I was in Yosemite National Park was back when I’ve just finished high school and a bunch of us went during the summer for a camping trip. 10 years later, I returned once more, only this time amongst wintry conditions at the beginning of December. I have to say; the renowned beauty of Yosemite is even more so during the winter. There was such a kaleidoscope of colors, from snow-covered ground, to shimmering peaks, the autumnal leaves, and pewter lakes. The photographic canvas was incredible; there are no bad shots, there’s beauty and majesty striking your senses from all angles.

No wonder John Muir was so infatuated with the place.

The post-snow air at Yosemite is some of the freshest I’ve ever breathed. I’d like an oxygen tank of that for my birthday, thank you.

Driving a tiny, rear-wheel driven convertible through snow and ice conditions, even on a sunny day, was in hindsight a huge mistake. Had a storm suddenly rolled through I would’ve been hideously trapped. I made it out alive! Though the Miata suffered a few patina scars for sure.

Travel plans for next year: Hong Kong (again!), Shanghai/Hangzhou, Seoul (finally!), and Iceland. Excited would be an understatement.

ODDS AND ENDS

My high school graduating class’ 10-year reunion was this year, which is to say what the fuck 10 years have passed already? I wonder just how “adult” does any of us feel, even though most have remarkable careers already, and plenty are married with kids. These reunions are interesting, aren’t they? Who are the ugly ducklings that turned into swans? Who were popular back when but now are total deadbeats? Who amongst you voted for Trump? Wasn’t it you that got that girl in Japan pregnant during your stay as an exchange student?

According to at least LinkedIn profiles, Lowell’s class of 2006 has done quite well for ourselves career-wise. The amount of lawyers, engineers, entrepreneurs, and doctors are astounding.

Sadly I was unable to attend the reunion due to geographic impossibilities, as the day of the reunion is the same day I was on a plane to Hong Kong. It’s a sign from the higher authorities in heaven that I probably wasn’t meant to go. Surely the 20-year anniversary would be more significant in terms of the change delta in each person.

Personally, 2016 has been a good year; society though, as you may all know, 2016 has been largely panned as absolute shit. The sheer amount of untimely deaths of significant persons notwithstanding, but we here in the United States elected an orange orangutan to be the next President. At least my investment portfolio will perform well.

Those of us here in California are lucky to be well insulated, like a sanctuary.

Given all the turmoil, tragedy, and uncertainties in the world around us, the only thing we can do is focus on ourselves: don’t worry about what you cannot control. Whatever incendiary thing Trump will inevitably speak next, or insane legislations the State congress of North Carolina will inevitably enact, just ignore it; you can’t change it anyways. Unless we are on the precipice of all-out nuclear war, focus on yourself and the people around you. Don’t worry about the extraneous; a little less social media and cable new channels, add a bit more books, or time spent with family and friends.

Focus on making yourself better.

For the latter half of the year, my work schedule changed to such that I went from having an afternoon-to-night shift and switched it to an early-morning-to-mid-afternoon shift. You know you’re getting old when you’re perfectly comfortable with getting to bed way before midnight and waking up when the clock reads a number six in front of the colon. The college-aged me wouldn’t have believed any of it.

But there is something intrinsically rewarding about waking up before practically everyone else and getting shit done whilst the proverbial world is still asleep. These days by the time breakfast hour rolls around, I would’ve been awaken for some hours already, and either have read through a significant chunk of a book, studied Korean, or washed the car (no lines at the car wash when it’s this early). It’s oddly satisfying, and an essential life hack in that you feel like you’ve got more hours in the day, even though it’s all same (unless you sleep less.)

Staying up past midnight takes a toll. Imagine that.

MUSIC TOP 10

1. TWICE - Cheer Up
2. Taeyeon - Rain
3. Park Kyung - 보통연애 (Ordinary Love) (Feat. Park Boram) 
4. Red Velvet - Russian Roulette  
5. Eric Nam x Wendy - 봄인가 봐 (Spring Love)
6. 여자친구 (GFRIEND) - 시간을 달려서 (Rough)
7. BTS - 피 땀 눈물 (Blood Sweat & Tears)
8. Apink - Only one (내가 설렐 수 있게)
9. BLACKPINK - WHISTLE (휘파람) (Acoustic Ver.)
10. I.O.I - Knock Knock Knock (똑똑똑)

CONCENTRATE AND CONQUER

The conclusions I draw from 2016 are this: simplify and focus. Emphasize on only the few important things, and do them extremely well. More importantly, concentrate on only the things I can control, and ignore the extra noise.

Learning Korean will go on well into 2017, if not beyond that, as I’ve still got one and a half textbooks (out of a three) to go. I’ve got books lined up to read well into 2018 if I keep up the current pace, so that’ll be a constant joy. Lastly, the once a quarter travel plans are set.

Other than spending time with friends and family, the tripod of learning, books, and travel is all I need and all I shall give attention to.

May you find your self-enriching niches as well. Happy 2017!